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A heart-warming tale of Armageddon from one of the funniest, most original voices in comic fiction today.... The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt. Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive.
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Doughnut
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- Length: 13 hrs and 41 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The doughnut is a thing of beauty, a circle of fried, doughy perfection - a source of comfort in trying times, perhaps. For Theo Bernstein it is far, far more. An accident at work lost Theo his job (and his work involved preventing a Very, Very Large Hadron Collider from blowing up, so he's unlikely to get it back). His wife has left him; he doesn't have any money; and news arrives that his good friend, Professor Pieter van Goyen, renowned physicist and Nobel laureate, has died.
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Doughnut
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An Orc on the Wild Side
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Overall
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Performance
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Being the Dark Lord and Prince of Evil is not as much fun as it sounds, particularly if you are a basically decent person. King Mordak is just such a person. Technically he's more goblin than person, but the point is that he is really keen to be a lot less despicable than his predecessors. Not that the other goblins appreciate Mordak's attempts to redefine the role. Why should they when his new health-care program seems designed to actually extend life expectancy, and his efforts to end a perfectly reasonable war with the dwarves appear to have become an obsession?
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Disappointingly tedious
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Starting a new job is always stressful (especially when you don't particularly want one), but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of J. W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organisation that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins.
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Alternative!
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Barking
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- Length: 17 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Monsters are roaming the streets of London. Of course, some monsters are scarier than others: Unicorns? No bother. Vampires? Big deal. Werewolves? Ho hum. Lawyers? … Aaargh! Duncan's boss doesn't think that he's cut out to be a lawyer. He isn’t a pack animal. He lacks the killer instinct. But when his best friend from school barges his way back into Duncan’s life, with a full supporting cast of lawyers, ex-wives, zombies and snow-white unicorns, it’s not long before things become distinctly unsettling.
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Barking
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The Management Style of the Supreme Beings
- By: Tom Holt
- Narrated by: Ray Sawyer
- Length: 13 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them anymore, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take Good and Evil, for example. For them it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place.
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Out of this World
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Overall
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Performance
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A heart-warming tale of Armageddon from one of the funniest, most original voices in comic fiction today.... The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt. Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive.
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Charged with gross incompetence, Satan is fired from his job as prince of Hell and exiled to that most terrible of places: English suburbia. Forced to live as a human under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof, the dark lord not only has to contend with the fact that no one recognizes him or gives him the credit he deserves but also has to put up with the bookish war-gamer next door and the voracious man-eater upstairs.
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Morag Murray works for the secret government organization responsible for making sure the apocalypse goes as smoothly and as quietly as possible. In her first week on the job, Morag has to hunt down a man-eating starfish, solve a supernatural murder, and, if she's got time, prevent her own inevitable death.
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My kind of quirky dark humour!
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Great fun
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The Big Over Easy
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Best-selling author Jasper Fforde begins an effervescent new series. It's Easter in Reading - a bad time for eggs - and no one can remember the last sunny day. Humpty Dumpty, well-known nursery favourite, large egg, ex-convict and former millionaire philanthropist, is found shattered beneath a wall in a shabby area of town.
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Brilliant fun!
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On the longest night of 1895, a terrible storm rages above Harewood Hall. Max, Markham and an injured Peterson are welcomed in by the Harewood family but quickly realise that the gathering is far from celebratory. For tonight marks the Ordeal of the Haunted Room. Every Harewood heir must endure one terrifying night alone in the Haunted Room before he can inherit the family seat. Legend says that ghosts will murder anyone who isn't the true heir. Francis Harewood's ordeal will begin at midnight and end at dawn, but it isn't long before everything goes horribly wrong.
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Another romp through time, causing.....
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The End of the World Is Nigh
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Everyone’s heard of Nostradamus. No one’s heard of Philibert Montmorency. One was a legend. The other, not so much.... A newly discovered Nostradamus prophecy has taken the internet by storm thanks to "The Oblivion Doctrine", a group of online conspiracy theorists. Apparently the end is nigh. And in case anyone’s interested, nigh is definitely a Tuesday. Doctor Ally Oldfield, professor of Medieval Languages, is summoned to Lyon for a second opinion. She’s not happy about it. But then again she’s rarely happy about anything.
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Fabulous!
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The Antipope
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You could say it all started with the red-eyed tramp with the slimy fingers who put the wind up Neville, the part-time barman, something rotten. Or when Archroy's wife swapped his trusty Morris Minor for five magic beans while he was out at the rubber factory.
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The Anti-pope
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Fated
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Camden, North London. A tangled, mangled junction of train lines, roads and waterways. Where minor celebrities hang out with minor criminals and where tourists and moody teenagers mingle. In the heart of Camden, where rail meets road meets leyline, you might find the Arcana Emporium, run by one Alex Verus. He won't sell you a wand or mix you a potion, but if you know what you're looking for, he might just be able to help.
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Hope Audible gets the rest of this series :)
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The Constant Rabbit
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Peter Knox lives quietly in one of those small country villages that's up for the Village Garden of the Year award. Until Doc and Constance Rabbit move in next door, upsetting the locals (many of them members of governing political party United Kingdom Against Rabbit Population), complicating Peter's job as a Rabbit Spotter, and forcing him to take a stand, moving from unconscious leporiphobe to active supporter of the UK's amiable and peaceful population of anthropomorphised rabbits.
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My favourite book of 2020
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Beelzebelle
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To the devil a daughter! Parenthood can come as a shock to some. It’s especially shocking if you are Satan, the Prince of Hell, and are trying to live a quiet life of semi-retirement in suburban England under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof. Clovenhoof quickly finds that being a single parent involves more than lullabies and nappies and has to contend with social disapproval, paternity tests and, possibly, the end of the world.
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Hobbes
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- Unabridged
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Hobbes: Unhuman Series, Books I-IV. It contains: I - Inspector Hobbes and the Blood, II - Inspector Hobbes and the Curse, III - Inspector Hobbes and the Gold Diggers, and IV - Inspector Hobbes and the Bones.
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Terrible narrator
- By English Atheist on 17-03-20
Summary
Maurice has just killed a dragon with a breadknife. And had his destiny foretold...and had his true love spirited away. That's precisely the sort of stuff that'd bring out the latent heroism in anyone. Unfortunately, Maurice is pretty sure he hasn't got any latent heroism.
Meanwhile, a man wakes up in a jar in a different kind of pickle (figuratively speaking). He can't get out, of course, but neither can he remember his name, or what gravity is, or what those things on the ends on his legs are called...and every time he starts working it all out, someone makes him forget again. Forget everything. Only one thing might help him. The answer to the most baffling question of all. When Is A Door Not A Door?
An absurdly witty novel of alternate universes and very unlikely heroes from one of Britain's best-loved comic writers - perfect for fans of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett
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What listeners say about When It's a Jar
Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Haydn
- 27-05-14
Holt Evolution
What did you like most about When It's a Jar?
Its a continuation of the You Space story and very Holt, especially how believable the paralel worlds are.
Would you recommend When It's a Jar to your friends? Why or why not?
Very Holt and full of believable twists but a bit complex, looses its way a little and misses the humour of other Holt work which I would recommend first.
What three words best describe Ray Sawyer’s voice?
Clear. Good characterization.
If you made a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
Discworld meets our world.
Any additional comments?
Glad I read it and a big Holt fan.
1 person found this helpful
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- Rosemary White
- 04-01-14
Something for insomniacs.
Sadly this book drones on and on and is not helped by the narrator's annoying voice characterisations. You could doze off halfway though and not notice the gap in the story.
The book before this, "Doughnut", was not as good as its predecessors and in this book references are made to it, previous stories and said doughnuts and their function, but I think Tom Holt could rejig his usually startling imagination.
His ironic style is still in evidence and there are some wonderful one-liners, but the story moves so very slowly, like a tired snail attempting to scale the summit of a cell-phone repeater tower when the drizzle fades leaving the gastropod stuck halfway up, the clouds are evaporating, the dehydrating summer sun is beginning to beat down and it thinks to itself (in Ray Sawyer's annoying nasal twang) "I should have listened to my gran when she said "You are no Edmund Hillary, don't do it even if it IS there!", (actually my snail is more interesting than the wretched "hero" of Tom's book!).
I first encountered Tom Holt when I bought "Of Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Sausages" then "The Portable Door", I found both highly entertaining, original and worth recommending. "Barking"and "In Your Dreams" were quite good too.
Unfortunately this book is neither original nor entertaining and I shall "return" it.
3 people found this helpful
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- B-rocks
- 15-08-20
you've just got to finish it
Sometimes I lost who was where but still fascinated enough to carry on and find out what happens to Maurice. Entertaining while complex and thought provoking. loved it.
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- Daniel
- 16-05-18
Another fantastic book by Tom Holt
It's the classic Tom Holt formula and as always it's fantastically funny. Well worth the credit.
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- Maxipoppins
- 03-03-17
Disappointing
I love Tom Holt and have listened to loads of his books. This one started in a disjointed fashion and I struggled to get into it, replaying it several times. The story in places is blocky and lacks fluidity. The characters are flat and you never feel you know them. They don't come to life. Good narration, but I'm leaving Tom's tomes for a while before I revisit him.
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- Amazon Customer
- 20-05-16
As good as expected
You do need to concentrate to remember who is whete. But well worth it
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- lindz brewer
- 09-08-15
awesome
The problem with Tom Holt's books is once you have finished listening to it your desperate for more even though it's 3am cats yowling for food and your mental to go to work in a couple of hours. !
can't recommend enough yawn
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- Sharon Barron
- 30-04-15
Funnier than just about anything
Imagine a 4x4 driver whizzing into a carpark at their usual high speed. They collide with something solid and immovable, spilling their skinny latte all over their iPhone 6. This novel is even funnier than that.
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- S. Malvik
- 06-01-14
trying too hard
Would you try another book written by Tom Holt or narrated by Ray Sawyer?
Maybe by the narrator, but probably not by Tom Holt
Would you ever listen to anything by Tom Holt again?
No
How could the performance have been better?
The narrator was great, no issues with him
You didn’t love this book--but did it have any redeeming qualities?
No
Any additional comments?
The book tried too hard to be funny, in the end ended up disjointed, not funny and not really making sense. I love Douglas Adams, I love Terry Pratchett, I love Haruki Murakami, all disjointed books that challenge reality, but they succeed. This book - horrible.
2 people found this helpful