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The State of Affairs
- Rethinking Infidelity
- Narrated by: Esther Perel
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
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The State of Affairs
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Summary
Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity, providing the insight we so desperately need to help us move beyond a simplistic discussion.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, have the prohibitions against it - in fact adultery has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honoured taboo - universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat? When we say 'infidelity', what exactly do we mean? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage?
Psychotherapist Esther Perel is recognised as one of the most insightful and original voices on modern love. For the past 10 years, she has worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she argues, but healing is possible. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage - with the same person. With the right approach, couples can learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Weaving real-life stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis, Perel invites listeners into a truly revealing exploration of modern marriage.
Critic reviews
What listeners say about The State of Affairs
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 16-01-22
Simply best book on modern relationships
Wise and nuanced insights into the complexities of love, sex and self, by enchanting Esther Perel.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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- Petra
- 06-02-19
Great and complete insight into infidelity
Not as groundbreaking as Mating in Captivity for me, but still full of amazing insights and reassurance (though not always positive). I certainly recommend this one and will keep it “on the shelf” for further reference. Also, I love that it’s Esther Perel herself reading the book.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Nicholas
- 25-10-22
Esther is a genius
Esther is a genius. A phenomenal book, honest and raw, poetic and fascinating! Highly highly recommend it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Pepe
- 26-11-17
A very informative introspective on infedelity from many angles
Most people have a simplified view about affairs which sums up to either he has the affair because he is a sex addict or she has it because she lacks something on the relationship. This book shows a much more complex set of circumstances, motifs, developments and attitudes relating to affairs.
Some of the things you may not be expecting are the meaning the affair may carry for the infidel, a chapter devoted to the other person, and good final summary about how affairs end and affect relationships and a bit of advice on how to avoid them. The chapter on alternatives to monogamy is informative too.
Esther Perel reads her own book with a very clear voice. Following her style, the book is full of pompous words and you may not find many of them on common dictionaries. As this is an audio book, that amount of verbosity is not as bad as it is when you read directly on paper. She also likes to reinterpret words to give them different meanings like repair = re-pair. I find these two things a bit annoying, on an otherwise intelligent and very sensitive book.
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4 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Ashen River
- 06-07-18
Must read!!
Everyone should read this book!! It’s an insightful and educating outlook on relationships. Excellent and mind opening!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 14-08-21
mind opening
absolutely transforming, and also liberating study for all couples and not only. highly recommend for absolutely everyone.
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- Zahra
- 27-05-22
I'm so surprised
Going from cheating is cheating n lying is lying. I now have a deeper understanding of the what and the why. This book has opened me up to seeing things in a way I never would have thought of. The real life cases she's had and people she has dealt with, their unique stories and outcomes, her tailor made advice for them just blew my mind. I still hold that cheating is unacceptable but now my understanding is deeper
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Anonymous User
- 17-07-23
Full of nuance, compassion and insight
Another great book, which builds further on Mating in Captivity to bring a more comprehensive overview of Eros, relationships and infidelity. Absolutely loved it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Accidental tourist
- 08-10-19
Thank you
This book really helped my wife and I. With insightful learnings and practical discussion Esther shows you that you're not alone. Infidelity does happen, and for many different reasons. This book does not peach, but gently guides you towards your own conclusions relevant to your specific situation. An interesting and insightful read. I would recommend this to anyone whether married and affected by infidelity, or looking to help ensure it doesn't happen to you. I wish I had found this book and read it before I found that I really needed it.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Leopoldo
- 22-04-20
An absolute jewel
even though I was already familiar with the author's work, this reading was still painful enlightment to a situation in which I find myself for the last years. Her logical approach towards infidelity and her astounding precision with which she deconstruct the status quo about the theme make this a book to be read more than once, if possible, at different stages of your life.
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