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The Haunted Forest Tour
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 8 hrs and 55 mins
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Summary
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haunted Forest Tour! Sit back, and enjoy a smooth ride in air-conditioned comfort as your heavily armored tram takes you through nature's most astonishing creation. The forest is packed to capacity with dangerous and terrifying creatures of all shapes, sizes, and hunger levels, and you'll get to observe these wonders in complete safety.
Howl with a werewolf! Gaze into the glowing eyes of a giant spider! Look right through a spooky ghost! See horrific monsters you couldn't even imagine, only inches away from you! Things with fangs, things with claws, things with dripping red jaws - you'll see them all!
Not thrilling enough? Well, it's Halloween, and so we're offering a very special tour through the Haunted Forest. The new route goes deeper into the woods than any civilians have ventured before, and you're guaranteed to get a good scare! Rest assured that every possible security precaution has been taken. The Haunted Forest Tour has a 100 percent safety record, and technical difficulties are unheard of. You will be in no danger whatsoever.
We promise.
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- SarahC1985
- 06-09-18
Talk about a terrifying tour!
This book answered all my requests for a seriously scary horror. It's one of those books you can read, knowing you're at home, safe, and it doesn't really exist! I think if I'd been there, I'd have had a heart attack before anything else could happen to me! I read a reviewer on Amazon, and I totally agree. After reading the tour guide blurb on the cover, I just had to read it! I love haunted houses etc, but that is something else! There were parts which made me cry, without giving away any spoilers! I also really like Jo Hempel, the fact I think he has a nice voice aside, he is a very good narator, and he really brings this to life, and you could almost believe you were watching it all happen. Although nowa days with health and safety, I don't think this would ever happen in real life, even if such a thing existed! I asked myself before reading, would I go on this tour? Answer is, probably not, as I'm blind so wouldn't see anything, but would I even if I could? To be honest, I don't care how safe their trams are, answer is probably still no! You want a horror book which doesn't skimp on the detail, read this. It doesn't take long to get started! I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who loves horror! But don't read before sleep! Enjoy!
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21 people found this helpful
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- NotYourAmelie
- 17-01-19
Eh
I ended up returning it. I loved the premise - it's novel and interesting. Unfortunately every female 'character' (by which I mean that they have zero personality and are walking stereotypes) is rated on her looks and nothing more. Every male character is either an objectifying ass or an idiot, it's stereotypes only right from the start. There's also an unhealthy dose of fatphobia in there too. Either the writer has no idea how to write three dimensional characters or this was badly written satire on the objectification of women. Unfortunately it seems likely to be the former. I'd give it a miss.
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4 people found this helpful
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- michael bailey
- 06-01-19
Not a ghost story
What can I say? I enjoyed it but not really my sort of thing. My fault I should have read the synopsis. But if you are into monsters, other dimensional transference, plots of world take over then you are in for a rare treat. And what ever you don't get too attached to attached to characters!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Cameron
- 16-04-19
Violent to the point of numbness
I like a good gritty story with the right amount of violence and the right amount of character development, AND the right amount of monsters. But that's the thing, there's too many monsters, so many that it's hard to remember all of them and all of them are so ungodly violent to the point of absurdity that the horror is completely muted.
Now that might seem odd to say, but there is a point where the threat of violence and death happens so much that it just stops meaning anything and you just become numb, you stop caring for the characters 'cause they die too quickly to really connect with them and you stop caring about the monsters 'cause so many just get thrown in all at once that it fogs the mind and stops being scary.
There isn't enough quiet moments to really let any one emotion or any sense dread sink in which is shame. I liked the idea of this story and it had a strong start, but after 3 hours in it lost its appeal.
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2 people found this helpful
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- jordan begley
- 28-11-19
A little corny but enjoyable
I honestly picked this one at random it sounded a little corny but I honestly enjoyed it, the narration was good. I would chalk it up to a nice simple listen.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Nathan Carr
- 20-11-19
The Jurassic Park for horror fans
This book was very cool. So long as you think horror stories with a dark sense of humour and grizzly dememberments are cool. I do. If you like Evil Dead 2 then you'll probably enjoy this. I'm not saying Evil Dead 2 is anything like this book. only that it would have the same amount of blood and gore and probably leave you smirking wickedly from time to time. Enjoy.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Rose
- 22-07-19
Nothing more than a very poor man’s ‘Jurasic Park’
One should always be balanced in a review, start with the positives and then finish with the negatives and after that sum up so here are the positives. it ended. End of positives. This book was drivel from start to finish. utterly implausible and Halloween? Oh please. A colaboration apparently, so why didn’t the authors colaborate? Why didn’t they compare notes so that, for instance offices didn’t suddenly become office? Plenty of blood and gor but the people did all this in one day neither getting hungry or thirsty or needing to take care of any bodily functions? You’d have to be a pretty stupid person not to see the holes in this plot. there are as many holes in the plot as there were trees in the haunted forest if you ask me.
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1 person found this helpful
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- David Slater
- 25-03-24
So many monsters!
This book is huge fun, always surprising and endlessly inventive. It’s b movie trash at its finest! Loved it!
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- Anonymous User
- 19-02-24
how can so many monsters be so boring?
The premise is fantastic. I love creature features in both books and films, but this didn't work at all for me. I think was too many things happening and nothing had the chance to develop properly. I feels like when a child plays with every toy at the same time. batman vs godzilla, GI Joe against barbie and the turtles who teamed up with the old worn teddybear. Probably awesome in the kids head, but doesn't make much sense for anyone watching.
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- Deemon Black
- 29-01-24
It’s fun horror story. Doesn’t test you.
Easy listen with good characters. Enjoyed it but it’s not exactly highbrow. Simple and fun. Not much more to say.
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