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The Book of Ultimate Truths
- Cornelius Trilogy, Book 1
- Narrated by: Robert Rankin
- Length: 11 hrs and 6 mins
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The Book of Ultimate Truths
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Summary
Cornelius Murphy is a big-haired seventeen-year-old tall school leaver, devoted avoider of regular employment and Stuff of Epics.
And together with his diminutive companion and bestest friend Tuppe (the stuff of epics to a slightly lesser degree) they set out in a 1958 Cadillac Eldorado to travel the length of the British Isles in search of the missing chapters from a great and wonderful tome: The Book of Ultimate Truths. Penned by self-styled Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, Hugo Rune.
Although few people remember Rune today, in his time he was lionised by society for his many achievements. He spoke seventeen languages, played darts with the Dalai Lama and shared his sleeping bag (on separate occasions) with Albert Einstein, Lawrence of Arabia, George Formby and Marilyn Monroe. He was worshipped as a god by an East Acton cargo cult and once scaled Everest in a smoking jacket and a pair of plus-fours to win a bet with Oscar Wilde.
He travelled to Venus in the company of George Adamski, reinvented the ocarina and was yearly burned in effigy by the Chiswick Townswomens’ Guild. He was an expert swordsman, a world traveller, a poet, a painter, a guru unto gurus and a passionate hater of Bud Abbot. He won a first at Oxford, squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs and almost pipped Einstein for the Nobel Prize. He was barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in West London and died penniless in a Hastings boarding house in his ninetieth year.
He penned nearly eight million words, wrote the songs that made the whole world sing and knew all the answers to all the big questions. And he was, as his acolyte Aleister Crowley once said, One Hell of a Holy Guru!
His greatest work The Book of Ultimate Truths explains in terms understandable to the layman just what life is all about. Why there are always two small screws left over when you reassemble that broken toaster. Where all the yellow-handled screwdrivers go to.
The truth about the A-Z street directory and the Forbidden Zones that lie hidden all around us. The spontaneous generation of crowds. Where the flat hedgehogs upon country roads really come from. The real deal about Time, the Creation of the Universe and pretty much everything really.
Throughout his long life he was constantly under attack from the Forces of Darkness that sought to stop him revealing these Ultimate Truths. And now Cornelius and Tuppe must battle these same Dark Forces if they are to seek out and publish the missing chapters of Rune.
The going won’t be easy, as they encounter demonic Scotsmen, mad monks and cake-obsessed evil fairies, but it will be a lot of fun and The Book of Ultimate Truths must be republished. The survival of Mankind depends upon it.
The Book of Ultimate Truths is the first instalment of a three part Epic Adventure to out-Epic- that have gone before.
The further adventures of Cornelius, Tuppe and Hugo Rune can be found in Raiders Of the Lost Car Park and The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Southyorks1234
- 29-01-22
Very strange tale
Some Very Funny bits. Hard to follow. My husband enjoyed. I got to the end but was glad it finished.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance2 out of 5 stars
- DiddyDave
- 22-09-21
good author, poor narrator
Authors should not be allowed the vanity of reading their own prose. Enjoyed reading a long time ago, but do read the reviews as it just not enjoyable to listen to. Accents are awful, and the flow is slow, stilted and stumbling. It's very off putting. For a credit I would have had requested it back.
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3 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- david
- 30-07-19
Far fetched fiction
The wonderful if slightly disturbing mind of mr rankin comes up trumps. Now where is my bloody biro?
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Dave A
- 27-08-21
Far Fetched Fiction
While the now infamous Brentford Trilogy remain my favourites, I thoroughly enjoy the Cornelius books too.
Robert Rankin (author and narrator) is a great story teller.
Favourite bits are anything with Hugo Rune in it but the way Cornelius gets out of taking gainful employment as a mime artist is hilarious.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- RFRITTE
- 26-10-16
very entertaining.
a very entertaining book, only made better by having the author read it himself. no quibbling pronunciation or accents when you can hear the whole story exactly the way the author intended. definitely recommend.
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3 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Andy Comber
- 24-12-17
An exercise in ridiculousness
I find rankins stories entertaining but sometime hard to follow. Sometimes being absurd for the sake of it it sometimes details you from the flow of the story. This may be intentional as the author does have a habit and a penchant for the b
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- S. Gordon
- 12-12-20
Dreadful narration. Truly awful.
Finding it almost impossible to listen to this or even follow the story because I am sorry to say Mr Rankin's delivery is atrocious and distracting beyond belief. Random pauses throughout sentences, and really odd intonation - like the word after each superfluous pause is somehow a surprise. I am finding it so annoying I don't think I can even finish listening to this.
It's such a shame because I LOVED reading his books the old-fashioned way, and enjoyed The Brightonomicon audiobook immensely - which was narrated by other people. I shall do my very best to avoid ANYTHING narrated by Mr Rankin, I'm afraid.
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6 people found this helpful
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- mr
- 29-03-14
Bored from the outset...
What was most disappointing about Robert Rankin’s story?
It wasn't funny, I didn't like any of the characters and I didnt get in with the narrator.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance2 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- L'Erik
- 25-04-22
Not worth it
Utterly pointless and has an out of context rape at the end. This isn't a trashfire, but it has no message and is not funny or interesting enough to manage without it.
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- J. Davis
- 08-04-14
Couldn't Get Past Chapter 7
Any additional comments?
I tried really hard to like this book, and gave a few hours listening to it, but it just didn't entertain me at all so I had to give up. It came up as a recommendation after reading "The Portable Door" series. These books couldn't be more different in writing style. Tom Holt writes with a fluidity and ease, whereas Robert Rankin seems utterly desperate in his efforts to be quirky and to make you laugh, and the result is a narrative and characters that seem utterly forced and unreal. Great fantasy writing should convince you that the unusual world created is entirely possible, yet Rankin's world seems entirely impossible all the way down to the character naming. I will not be attempting another of his books.
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2 people found this helpful