What would make my life happier?

This is the question Jessica Pan asked when the long walks, Netflix binges, therapy and bowls of carbonara weren’t working. After the pandemic and on the other side of postpartum anxiety and depression, she discovered that while the panic had lifted, joy hadn’t returned. And she realised she wasn’t alone.

Here Jess chronicles the year she spent putting herself directly in joy’s path by trying new things, asking uncomfortable questions and reporting back with her trademark humor and honesty, even when she would rather stay home. We join her on adventures like:

· A pilgrimage to Finland, where she sweats through saunas, plunges into icy seas and asks what happiness looks like in other cultures.

· An experiment with Deep Talk with her parents, using research-backed questions to have the conversations we postpone until it feels too late.

· A crash course in adult hobbies that help her confront perfectionism, embarrassment and the strange grief of realizing how rarely grown-ups let themselves play.

This isn’t a book about fixing yourself or chasing constant positivity. It’s about learning how to laugh again, how to stay open and how to make room for happiness even when life remains complicated.

Joy isn’t found all at once. It’s practiced, awkwardly at first, until it starts to feel like yours.

© Jessica Pan 2027 (P) Penguin Audio 2027