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  • I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

  • Essays
  • By: Tom Segura
  • Narrated by: Tom Segura
  • Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (752 ratings)
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I'd Like to Play Alone, Please cover art

I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

By: Tom Segura
Narrated by: Tom Segura
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Summary

From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have listeners laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2022 Tom Segura (P)2022 Grand Central Publishing

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What listeners say about I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

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    5 out of 5 stars

Definitely not stingey.

if this book was a camera, I'd totally touch it through the fence. absolutely love everything Tim does and this book really didn't dissapoint. Great listen. also it was nice not having Bart interrupt all the way through.

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2 people found this helpful

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  • J
  • 15-04-23

So slow and dull. Nothing happens.

I was waiting so patiently for an hour and a half for it to kick in, something to happen, for it to get really funny. Some chortles but very few and far between. Even the storytelling is so so so slow and boring. I can't believe it, all I've seen of Tom on podcasts and standup is fucking funny! Really funny! I really tried with this and I can't continue, it's so nothing.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Tommy buns strikes again

My jeans have never been so high and tight.
Retelling of old classic tales told on various podcasts over the years and some new ones mixed in. Whether you're a fan of Tom's stand up, YMH or Two Bears, this is an absolute must.

For Top Dog

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1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Hilarious.

Honestly I can say, this is one of the best and funniest books I've heard. I listened to it in a day, thank you Tom.

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1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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😂 Love it

Love it, great story telling, very funny. Tommy is the one and only, great,

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1 person found this helpful

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a great listen

I enjoyed the audiobook very much,very easy to listen with some great laugh out loud stories. I was already a fan of Tom segura and this just cements that

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Better than the Bible

I mean…I haven’t read the Bible, but this book was magnificent! I’ve heard most of these stories, but getting them in this format was a different experience. I’m also very happy I got to ingest it this way and will now definitely order a physical copy. It would be interesting to hear it in my own voice and see if the same parts will resonate differently.

Anyway, thanks for all the smiles, grins, laughs and overall warm, fuzzy feelings, Tom!

Gratitude and respect,
A dude who dragged his wife across Eastern Europe for many hours to catch the live show at Budapest.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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Hot sauce is the best

Hi Hitler, Piss on me, beat me, try it out. Bert is fat. Good morning Julia.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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loved it

really enjoyed the storys , funny moments and random meetings that seem to some up his life ... a look at some of his early years and family life had me chuckling, enjoy , I totally recommend

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Where to begin?! AMAZING book!!!

I’m just so damn sad it’s over - more soon please!! Re listening immediately and regularly. I think that’s 15 words now. No, now it’s 15 words. Come on Audible.. I’ve said enough!

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