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How to Be an Ex-Footballer

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How to Be an Ex-Footballer

By: Peter Crouch
Narrated by: Simon Darwen, Peter Crouch
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

Often recruited before they've worn long trousers, today's footballers become superstars who earn huge amounts without ever learning much about the world beyond the training ground. Coddled by their support teams, everything is done for them. They live their lives in the glaring media spotlight, yet only really develop one life skill—how to kick a ball better. Then inevitably, when age catches up with them or injury strikes, these man-children are thrown out into the real world, utterly defenceless apart from their multi-million-pound bank accounts.

So what do these Peter Pans, whose careers end just as most people's are getting going, do with the rest of their lives? Crouch speaks from his own experience and discusses with fellow former professionals too—just how do you safely release a near seven-foot striker back into the wild?

Peter goes in search of the answer to what his second career might be and encounters stories far more bizarre than anything you'll find on the pitch. From the pleasure and pain of management to the lessons we can learn from Jamie Carragher and Joe Cole on not going to seed. From those staying in the sport—the diehard veterans, coaches, managers, owners and of course the legion of pundits, to those moving on to pastures new. Peter talks to entrepreneurs, men of the cloth, eco warriors, artists, private detectives and budding actors, as well as those who've lost their way in addiction, crime and NFTs.

When the final whistle blows, it's still all to play for.

©2022 Peter Crouch (P)2022 Penguin Audio
Football (American) Football (Soccer) Sports Injury

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Critic reviews

"The funniest man in British sport." (Metro)

"Peter Crouch is a comedy genius." (Daily Mail)

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I’d recommend this.. not read by Uch himself but lol in bits.. mental health bit is very good and I could feel a lot off it hitting home as I have had issues myself but overall very enjoyable

Good listen

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Had a long drive ahead of me today and having pre ordered this I was chuffed at its release today. I figured it would be me, Crouchy and the M1. Love the content but I am disappointed the 4 hours I have listened to has barely had any Crouch narration unlike his other books. I'll stick with it but I'm not keen on the narrator.

edit, returning for refund. Peter if you're reading this, please do a recording of yourself narrating. It would be sooooo much better. Will pick up a paper copy of the book today.

Not much of our beloved Crouchy!

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Always love Crouchy's books but as with the other reviews I'm disappointed with the lack of Crouchy in it unlike the previous ones. No offence to the narrator but he's to dull to keep listening too.
I'm a massive fan of the pod and was very pleased to see there was another book available but I've switched off 3 chapters in as I can stand hearing Simon any more and also annoyed that all swear words are bleeped out which is ridiculous to.
Pete if you're reading these reviews please release again with you reading.

Love Crouchy but Disappointed!

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Stories were good, but why didn't he narrate it. ruins the whole listen of the book.

Good stories but not narrated by Crouch

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Narrated by Simon Darwen, 2 mins from Peter Crouch! I should of stopped then!! No offence to Simon, but he ain’t no Peter Crouch, and at times I found myself bored and turning off!! I did manage to listen to it all, and the story’s were good, and the book itself is ok! But for me, i felt massively let down by having to listen someone else. I’d recommend the book, but not on audible.

A little disappointing!

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