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Horde

Narrated by: Nick Jermyn
Length: 14 hrs and 41 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (2 ratings)

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Summary

Orcs used to be a fearsome fighting force, and the unleashing of the Horde brought terror to humans, elves, and dwarves time and time again over the centuries. Nowadays, there aren't any more Ultimate Evils, necromancers, or dark wizards left to hire the Horde. Paug Blumpkin is smart for an orc (rather like saying he's smart for a box of hair). He's bored of training with the rest of the Horde for a war that will never come, and he's definitely tired of polishing his helmet. So he decides to set off in search of adventure, bringing along his cheerfully idiotic brother Milph, who has a regular habit of forgetting his pants. When they mug a wizard while he's answering Nature's call, they discover a treasure map (conveniently hidden in his elven pornography), and thus begins their very own Quest Perilous.

There's a powerful magical artifact halfway around the world, and Paug decides he's going to get the Tome of Unknowable Mysteries first. When he learns a celebrated human hero is after the same booty, the race begins. With Milph using the stolen wizard's wand (badly), a barbarian warrior-woman named Petunia bringing the muscle, a lousy gambler named Hodak the Inconsequential (who happens to be 14th in line for the throne), and a halfling thief named Gilpin with a chip on his shoulder, the companions head out into the great untamed wilderness, where death lurks behind every tree (and occasionally is the tree itself).

©2017 Ian Thomas Healy (P)2018 Ian Thomas Healy

What listeners say about Horde

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Lighthearted take on traditional fantasy

I have previously listened to a number of books from this author that were set in his Just Cause superhero universe and having enjoyed those, I was looking forward to this take on the fantasy genre and overall I found it to be very enjoyable. It is often quite tricky for an author to attempt a more humorous take on a particular genre, if it is done then it can come across as little more than a mean-spirited mockery of the original genre. Luckily, the author has managed to avoid this issue by producing a story that is holds up in it's own right rather than merely serving as a vehicle for the humour of it. The only place where the book could have been a little stronger might have been the ending which seemed to wrap things up a little too neatly, but even that makes for a nice contrast to most books that seem like they are overly focused on the setup of any sequel. The changes to some of the fantasy race archetypes such as elves being more concerned with drugs etc to relieve their boredom or human heroes actually being arrogant idiots, while the orcs are more a bureaucracy than a race are all nice little twists that show more subtlety than some of the character names where the humour is a little more heavy-handed. The narrator did a good job with this book, the characters were all suitably distinctive and his overall performance had a clear and pleasant tone that helped to enhance the book, although I was initially slightly distracted at first as his voice sounded quite familiar, sounding quite like Yahtzee Croshaw. Overall, I found this to be an enjoyable audiobook from this author and I would recommend it for anyone who wants a slightly more lighthearted take on the traditional fantasy style. [Note - I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.]

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Really enjoyed this

Loved the style and the comedy throughout. Wasn't entirely sure at first but the narrator and writer pulled this off. I really hope there will be more to come! I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.

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  • Laura
  • 16-02-19

Enjoyable Fantasy Adventure

I received this book for free. I am voluntarily leaving this review and all opinions expressed herein are my own. It is a well written story about two orcs who are brothers. One brother, Paug, is considered smart and can read. The other brother, Milph, is not. One night Paug decides to set out on an adventure and Milph decides to tag along. At the beginning of their travels, the orc brothers come upon a wizard and while the wizard is going to the bathroom, they rob him of his wand, money and a map. They then meet Hodak the Inconsequential, who helps them understand that the map is a treasure map. So, they gather a few more companions and all set out to follow the map. This was a well paced and written light-hearted fantasy adventure with characters who were interesting, likeable, humorous and a bit obsessed with "pleasures of the flesh." I really enjoyed it but my only complaint - the ending. It seemed a bit sudden and wrapped everything up in a bow. It is a complete story [no cliffhanger] but, there could easily be a sequel as these characters deal with the aftermath of their adventure. The narrator, Nick Jermyn, did a good job voicing all the different characters - monsters, humans, elves, orcs, dwarves, etc. He enhanced the fun adventorous world in which all of these characters live.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 16-05-20

"Bears..."

Tried really hard to hate this because I myself auditioned to narrate it but ended up loving the whole ride.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Irshad Karim
  • 24-11-19

Unexpectedly and Surprisingly Enjoyable

I did some cover work for the author years ago, for one of his superhero fiction novels. Not really my cup of tea, but he was a great client. It took me five years before I decided to pick up one of his books (one more in my realm of interest and in audiobook format, thankfully). It might be a bit rude to say, but I did not expect a lot. I'm glad to have been wrong. Horde was actually a lot of fun. The adventure itself was engaging, the characters were amusing, and the jokes were, though admittedly pretty dumb, still pretty hilarious. I feel like the book successfully grabbed me and my standards and dragged us both down in the mud to meet it. I came out a bit messy, a bit humbled, and chuckling like a fool. I did have some issues with a few choices the author made - like Elvish just being French - but it didn't come up often enough to really grate on my nerves. All in all, I had a great time. I'm not sure I'd pick up Ian Thomas Healy's usual stuff (again, not my cup of tea), but I'd absolutely be down for another fantasy romp. I'd even want to get in on doing the cover illustration for one.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Lint
  • 01-02-19

So much FUN!!!

I'm going to start with the only problem I had with this story. When the characters went to a new place we got a dump of information describing the place. I would have like seeing the place unfold as the heroes experienced it. not a big deal though. The narration was amazing with so many different voices. The story was so much fun and full of lots of unexpected turns. Never before had I wanted to consider cheering for the Orcs and now I want more, much much more. This book is fantastic!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Chris D. Jones
  • 14-01-19

Very different and fun story!

First off, there are some sophomoric elements to the humor and some sex obsession (the characters seemed like 15 year olds in that respect), but those were both evident in the synopsis and audio sample, so not something that could be counted against the work. The characters were mostly interesting and likeable and the world was a funny farce on the normal medieval fantasy. The narrator had distinct voices for every character and never slipped up on a character's voice that I noticed. It was a lot of fun and a world I would go back to in the future if sequels are written (though the story had a definite ending). Of my favorite authors, this is far more in the Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett vein than say Brandon Sanderson or Jim Butcher. I received this for free in exchange for my honest review.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Rebecca Azizov
  • 26-12-18

a memorable book

when your reading so much stories in so much books sometimes you're looking for that specific story that you will remember the most with details and not only the story in general and I think that this story just answered this requirement it was good it was fun it was a humorous and it was very well-told and very well written the narrator was great as well a big part of the success of this book notice that the book isn't short and though it wasn't short it flow by very fast I think it will listen to this book again it was very enjoyable I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review

1 person found this helpful

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  • Mike C
  • 25-12-18

good meld of fantasy and humor

Toilet humor and sexual innuendo, plus swords and sorcery - what could go wrong? Plenty, but not here. I found this book fully enjoyable. It also doesn't follow fantasy stereotypes for the most part, which will keep you on your toes. Narration is perfect for the subject matter. The story wraps up nicely, with room for more. I would definitely pick up a continuation set in the same world, and ideally with some returning characters. I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.

1 person found this helpful

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  • kevin
  • 18-12-18

Tolkien Rolled Over

The Horde is a lighthearted fantasy journey that takes a Lord of the Rings-like world and defiles it. And I mean that in the best way possible. Elves are druggies, heroes are self-centered, Orcs are heroes, and everyone needs a bath. Seriously. The whole world smells. While, I found the humor to be only moderately funny, the storyline and character development was surprisingly good. Ian Thomas Healy is an extremely talented storyteller and he seems to be able to write a compelling well-paced tale regardless of the topic. Although the horde was not my favorite read, due mainly to its topic, it confirm for me that Healy’s books are worth my time. Therefore, if you are looking for a goofy fantasy trip, give this one a read. I received this book free in exchange for a honest review Morality rating- This book abounds with Sex, and Sexually both explicit and implied, along with violence, language, and bathroom humor.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Cindy
  • 16-12-18

Hoping there's more

Though not sure at 1st, within a short time I was enjoying this lighthearted, amusing adventure. So much so that I had to rewind to get back to where I fell asleep listening. Narrator was the perfect choice to perform this story. This audio was given to me free, and I voluntarily gave this review.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Joliet Jill
  • 13-12-18

Fun

Fun story of mismatched characters. I love fantasy and whimsy, plus I've always had a soft spot for Orcs. I blame that on my D&D character and my young sons love of Azog. When I saw a story of orcs as the heroes I had to try it out. If you like fantasy that does not take itself too seriously, you'll enjoy this book. This book was given to me for free at my request and I provided this voluntary review.

1 person found this helpful