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Summary

Brought to you by Penguin.

Children take their lead from their friends: being 'cool' matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity and codes of behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents.

But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous - it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development and fosters a hostile and sexualised youth culture. Children end up becoming conformist, anxious and alienated.

In Hold on to Your Kids, acclaimed physician and best-selling author Gabor Maté joins forces with Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting. Together they pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on how to 'reattach' to sons and daughters, establish the hierarchy at home, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your children's loyalty and love. This updated edition also addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media.

By helping to reawaken our instincts, Maté and Neufeld empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of contact, security and warmth for their children. 

©2020 Dr Gabor Maté (P)2020 Penguin Audio

What listeners say about Hold On to Your Kids

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Every parent or guardian should read!

This book was so insightful and addresses not just how & why its important to hold onto ur kids but coveres some lager social economial issues that have created the problem. At times i disagreed, however as the book unraveled its view points, the logic and evidence backed up the opionions with a clarity on parenting I've never felt before. I decided to apply some advice and after only a couple of days the difference in my 9 & 6 years old's was apparenrt. Thankfully my children are young enough to easily re-engage with little effort. I've recommended this book to all my friends with children and all adults in my children's life (including their teachers).

9 people found this helpful

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interesting and valid, though not the font of all.

Good narrator, I found the writing a bit.....smug? I don't know, some very astute and important points mixed with out of date thinking and impossible or untrue statements. I will be applying much of.this to my parenting, with a pinch of salt.

8 people found this helpful

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  • 25-12-21

unimpressive after reading but great results

I wizzed through the book as it seemed repetitive and wordy. I was underwhelmed.
A few weeks after reading the book I started having light bulb moments with the issues I was having with my child, I started to question myself, everything I had read in the book, all the repition clicked. some simple basic points that if applied well can have such a great impact with your child. Read, observe and apply, hope it works for you too.

5 people found this helpful

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Absolute must read for parents of all ages!

Before you decide on how much to put your child in nursery, or set up tons of activities and playdates, please sit down with,rest
and enjoy your little one and show curiosity, kindness, love and respect for them exactly as they are.

4 people found this helpful

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Excellent.

This explains so much about our increasingly broken society. It's a must listen, whether you have kids or not.

4 people found this helpful

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Eye-opening and life-changing

This is by far the best book on the parent-child relationship that I have ever read. I have only just begun to apply Gordon Neufeld’s ideas but have already been astonished by the reduction in anxiety in both my children and myself. Our relationship has become closer, less stressed, and conflicts are less frequent. I am deeply grateful to have found this book.

4 people found this helpful

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just what I was looking for

This book is just what I was looking for as it makes good sense. Even though it is American and was written pre-pandemic, it is very relevant in 2021. Helpful and informative, goes at a good pace too.

2 people found this helpful

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Everyone needs to hear this

Whether or not you have children, the insights here will be profound, especially the postscript.

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An important book

I have listened to this book several times already. It has helped me improve my connection with my own kids and has made me aware of the problems with peer orientation.

1 person found this helpful

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Must listen book.

This book is one of the must for every parent. Wish every parent know what is going on with our children

1 person found this helpful

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  • 22-11-21

Lock up your kids and blame their stupid friends

As an ACoA with ACE score of 8, I thought this would be a good book for guiding me to reparent myself, especially since I have liked Gabor's work. It was maybe a small miracle that blood vessel didn't pop in my head while listening to first half of this.

Constant blaming, contradictions, blind spots, plain untruths, and a concerning lack of empathy. Latter half seems to have good information and solid advice, but even that is constantly cut by putting the blame to children's peers.

Why on earth are you blaming the crooked flower for wanting to be with other crooked flowers, when you decided to go with it, and weren't able to provide necessary growing environment? Blame should never ever go this way.

I will go over the book again at some point, because it had good stuff in it too. Just a shame it has been made so difficult to reach. Maybe I indeed will mature enough with my own frustration, accept my own futility in trying to relate my viewpoint, and just accept that boomers will be boomers, who don't seem to realize they too, grew crooked.

2 people found this helpful