When kids turn to substance abuse, parents also become victims as they watch their children transform into irrational and antisocial individuals. This harrowing scenario finds parents buckling beneath the stress, often with catastrophic consequences: divorce, career upsets, breakdowns, and worse.
Don't Let Your Kids Kill You is a landmark work that dares to focus on the plight of the confused, distressed parent and not the erring child. It sets aside any preconceived ideas that parents are to blame for what is essentially a full-blown global crisis. Drawing on interviews with parents who have survived the heartbreak of kids on drugs, combined with his own experience, Charles Rubin provides practical advice on how parents can help themselves and their families by first attending to their own needs.
I read one review that said the author had “given up” or tells you to give up on these kids, he most certainly has not. He is simply and concisely telling you as a parent, what you need to do to save your own life and come to terms with your child’s destructive addiction issues.
This book is a must read for any parents of kids that have gone off the deep end and have made your life a living hell. Thank you!
This book starts off stating that it’s the only book out there that focuses solely at the parents, and not the erring child. I didn’t understand that at first, because there are several books out there that offer guidance to family members on how to get their loved ones clean. I was missing the point. This book is NOT about how to get your child clean. The author is realistic about this harrowing fact: your child may never recover. This is devastating, but the point is that whether or not your child gets better, the parents can. The parents can have their life back.
My daughter has been addicted to drugs for five years now. She has been to rehab about ten times, she has worked the steps, and she has relapsed over and over. Recently, after a period of sobriety, she told me flat out, “I don’t want to be sober.” This never occurred to me; I always thought she wanted it. My daughter might never get better. But I desperately want to, and this book gives me some ideas about how to get started on my own recovery.
It is a quick read, and written by a parent who gets it. I highly recommend it.
If you have a child young or old suffering from addiction.You NEED to hear this!!!
Excellent book, helped me so much with my addicted daughter situation. I only wish there was a guide when grandchildren are involved but setting that aside I am grateful for you sharing and writing this book!!!
What did you love best about Don't Let Your Kids Kill You?
Very useful information! I've been through about 20 books on addiction to help a family member. This, and Love First by Jeff Jay are the most useful/practical! This book doesn't get too much on the nuts and bolts of addiction (there are tons of books for that). Just useful information!
What other book might you compare Don't Let Your Kids Kill You to and why?
None...although I also highly recommend Love First by Jeff Jay! Also check out the Love First website and go through all the YouTube videos on it!
What did you learn from Don't Let Your Kids Kill You that you would use in your daily life?
I'm not alone in this problem. I shouldn't have to attack this problem, alone, since millions of other people have gone through it! Also, my family member is no different from any other addict! He is not a special case, and the behaviors of addicts is predictable!
Any additional comments?
Sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck! The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself!
Get educated about doing an intervention and try that out! You can get educated about the intervention process by going through the Love First audio book, and through all the videos and resources on the website! You can hire professional interventionist to assist you, too- just look online or ask a respectable rehab! You can probably bargain the interventionist's first price lower.
Go through this audio book and Love First several times!
More important than doing an intervention is following through on the "Bottom Lines" and stopping the Enabling behaviors!
-Don't give the addict money
-Don't provide a car
-Don't provide a free place to stay
-Don't provide a job at your business
-Don't make the minimum payment for the addict's credit cards
Do set healthy boundaries! Do continue paying the addict's health insurance (since many rehabs accept health insurance now)
The process of kicking a loved one out of the house causes a lot of anxiety for parents and the entire family! I highly recommend attending meetings such as Al-Anon, Parents Anonymous, or CoDependents Anonymous at least until your loved one accepts treatment, and completes at least 3 months of treatment. Also check with a MFT counselor that specializes in addiction and take care of yourself!
It takes an average of 4 stints in rehab until a person stays sober for life! Every time they go to rehab they will learn something new! Try again even though they relapsed the last time! It may take a few times!
Some rehabs are shady, and there is no official monitoring organization. Send your loved one to a reputable rehab with a good reputation. Ideally, the rehab should be at least a couple hours drive from home so he/she can not run away from the rehab and meet his/her addicted friends. The Hazelden chain of rehabs is good, and insurance covers most of the treatment. Many rehabs have 'sliding scales' so ask. If some one with a low income pays for the rehab, the cost might be lowered.
If the addiction is really bad, send the addict to treatment for a minimum of 90 days, and 1 year in a sober living home after the rehab. If they stay sober for 1 year, they have a 50% chance of never using again. If they stay sober for 2 years, they have a 70% chance of not relapsing!
If they are extremely dangerous to harming themselves, and other people, and are not able to take care of themselves, you can call 911 and do a psyche hold (although this may really tarnish your relationship). You can also call 911 when they are driving and are endangering other people. A judge ora psyche hold may mandate rehab.
I wish you the best of luck. Take care and God bless you!