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Summary

Disarming the Narcissist is a step-by-step guide to treating and communicating with narcissists with compassion and empathy in a way that still preserves the listener's personal boundaries and sanity.

©2008 Wendy Behary (P)2011 Tantor

Critic reviews

"Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation." ( Publishers Weekly)

What members say

Average customer ratings

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    1 out of 5 stars
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This author is a Flying Monkey!

This book will keep you in the abuse cycle longer and give the perpetrator new avenues to cause harm!Dangerous, victim-blaming, perpetrator-excusing. Do NOT listen to the things she tells you to do, this book will help you to become MORE invested and MORE entrapped in this abusive relationship, it will make it so much harder to leave than it is right now.
People who are in a relationship ALREADY KNOW that the abuser is damaged and in pain and have ALREADY tried everything in their power to support, love, be kind, compassionate, giving, choose their words carefully, choose their actions carefully, see EVERYTHING from the narcissist's point of view. Writing a book instructing people who are being abused by a narcissist to try harder/try a slightly different way or maybe just the same way of doing all those things is vile! She also counts only physical abuse as a reason to leave and gives no strategies for leaving.

The way she tells you to talk to a narcissist it is as though she has NEVER met one in her life, it is as though she thinks they will just sit there and listen to everything you say, you know, like a NORMAL person!
Maybe it's because she's only dealt with Narcissists when they have been forced by court to have therapy so they HAVE to appear to listen to her that she is so utterly deluded about how they behave towards their loved ones.

She wants you to feel sorry for narcissists, she wants you to try and re-mother them, she wants you to try again, bend yourself a little harder this time and, most dangerously I think, she wants you to believe that you have the power to CHANGE this disordered person. YOU CANNOT CHANGE A NARCISSIST! NOT EVER!

This Author is a massive Flying monkey!

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Lawrence
  • 04-02-13

Very Informative

This book had great information on how to deal with a narcissist that is in your life. Gave good examples of the dynamic that occurs in such relationships as well as ways to approach each issue.

12 of 12 people found this review helpful

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  • Ruth
  • 23-04-12

Clears the smoke put up by the Narcissist

Great information. The narcissist is a tricky and manipulative creature. This book puts them and their motives out in the open. There is also excellent information that teaches you the how's and why's they love to push all your buttons.

16 of 17 people found this review helpful

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  • Helen R.
  • 09-04-13

Good Content - Agrivating delivery

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

I believe this book contains useful information but the narration was delivered in an overheated lecture-style that really irritated me. I did not enjoy listening to the material at all.

What was most disappointing about Wendy T. Behary’s story?

The sentences were broken up into fraggments so they did not make sense. You had to listen really hard to get the message.

How could the performance have been better?

The narrator could have spoken in a less intense manner with a bit more variation in the way she spoke. It was not pleasant listening to her.

22 of 24 people found this review helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • N
  • 21-07-12

Extremely helpful

If you are dealing with this personality type in your life I believe this information can help you understanding some of the confusion & frustration you're undoubtedly feeling. The author begins by discussing different "schemas" (an organized pattern of thought or behavior), then describes several techniques for more effective communication.

Although I definitely think the narration should have been better, the information, at least for me, was valuable.

18 of 20 people found this review helpful

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  • jeremy
  • 27-01-16

Great book on a difficult topic.

When you are trying to know how to deal with someone you care about and aren't sure what to do, this book not only helps you to figure out if the person is a narcissist, but also tells you what and how to deal with it.
Very well done.
Thanks for all your effort.

4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • Margaret M. Cooper
  • 14-04-16

It takes one to know one.

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

The author spent 45 minutes talking about herself.

What was most disappointing about Wendy T. Behary’s story?

With so much experience counseling I expected more information and examples.

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Jo Anna Perrin?

The narration was fine.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

Just not a good, informational book, with little advice on how to deal with the narcissist.

Any additional comments?

I learned more in my college personality theories class.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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  • Danny Derby
  • 03-06-12

Good read for people dealing with Narcissist

If you are a therapist this is a good read for your clients (even those who are narcissists). Very informative and gives a taste of Schema therapy.

6 of 7 people found this review helpful

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Samantha Aston
  • 14-11-15

Dangerous

This book allows for abuse. It seems to excuse a narcissist from his/her behavior. Be very careful when reading this book.

8 of 10 people found this review helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Cynthia J. Hakansson
  • 07-07-12

Enlightening

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes, but possibly with some additional warnings about protecting his/her emotional and physical safety and recommendations for other books with more detail on how to actually do that.

Have you listened to any of Jo Anna Perrin’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Josh
  • 23-03-12

Not what I was expecting

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

No. Personally, I didn't enjoy the narrators voice. She did a fine job, but for me, it was sometimes hard to listen to (her voice is unusually high pitched and her inflection got on my nerves, but that's just me). The book didn't go into as much detail about the condition of narcissism as I was hoping for. Moreover, the book delt with the personality type that typically gets into trouble with narcissist and what those types of self-subjugating and want-to-please-everyone people can do when

Would you ever listen to anything by Wendy T. Behary again?

Probably not.

How could the performance have been better?

I think the narrator has her own voice and style. I happened to not enjoy listening to it. That's personal taste. Some might find her pleasant. I found her annoying. I take full responsibility for this opinion. She did nothing wrong.

If this book were a movie would you go see it?

No. It's not that kind of book.

13 of 17 people found this review helpful