After years of experience leading communication workshops and honing his own parenting skills, John Gray has created a brilliantly original and effective system that he calls positive parenting, for children of all ages; from birth through the teenage years. Completing the notion that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, he adds and Children Are From Heaven.
Children Are From Heaven covers different skills of parenting to help improve communication, increase cooperation, and motivate your children. Central to this new approach are the five positive messages your children need to learn again and again.
When these messages are put into practice, and John Gray shows you how, your children will develop the necessary skills for successful living: forgiveness of others and themselves, sharing, delayed gratification, self-esteem, patience, persistence, respect for others and themselves, cooperation, compassion, confidence, and the ability to be happy.
The core of this book is useful. It discusses ways to bring your children back under your control without resorting to threats or violence. It has already helped me to keep my focus when dealing with my son's temper trantrums.
At the core of the book is the idea that it is okay to resist, but mommy and daddy are right. During the resistance, whether your child wants to do something that you disallow, or you want him/her to do something, you must never lose your temper yourself. Rather you use the following 5 step process:
1. Ask politely, using "would you" and "please".
2. Listen, empathize (i.e. I understand that you are mad at me for making you do this, but...) then ask politely again.
3. Offer a reward.
4. Order (i.e. I want you do this this.) Don't get upset, repeat order four or five times.
5. Give him/her a timeout, equal to one minute for each year of age.
Do not make the timeout a punishment with threats, remain on the other side of the door, and do not make the child reflect upon it. Simply let the child cry or fuss. Afterwards do not show any hostility towards the child. After the timeout, the child will be back under your control. I have used this process a couple times and it seems to work.
Like his previous effort, Venus & Mars, this book is highly repetitive. In paper format this is unacceptable, because you can always go back and read the information again. In audible format this isn't such a problem, especially if you listen to this in the car where you are prone to missing a sentence here and there due to distractions.
11 of 12 people found this review helpful
What did you like best about Children Are From Heaven? What did you like least?
helps with ideas about parenting, though I don't really share the author's perspective all the time.