Listen free for 30 days

Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?

Narrated by: Lucy Paterson
Length: 10 hrs and 12 mins
Categories: Fiction, Humour
4.5 out of 5 stars (77 ratings)

£7.99/month after 30 days. Cancel anytime

Summary

It’s normal for your washing machine to get more action than you, right? 

I wake up, bleary-eyed. 

It’s been two years, six months and three hours since I last shaved my legs, and the llama-patterned knickers I’m wearing have seen better days. 

We have seven minutes before the kids wake up, and my husband shuffles closer. "Ouch," he says, a piece of Lego sticking into his back. 

Then, a light comes on in the landing. Small footsteps creep down the stairs. A little voice screams, "Is someone coming to make breakfast?!" 

All hope of having some "alone time" is replaced with wondering if we’ve run out of Cheerios, thinking about the overflowing laundry, and remembering that I forgot to take out the recycling. Again. 

Just a typical Monday morning for the Morton family...

Except today, when I go downstairs in my dressing gown, I find something. Something belonging to my husband. Something that definitely wasn’t in the wedding vows. And it’s either going to make us...or break us. 

An utterly hilarious and unmissable novel for anyone who has ever felt like they spend more time washing the dishes than getting lucky. Fans of Why Mummy Drinks and The Unmumsy Mum, and rom-coms by Sophie Ranald and Sophie Kinsella, will ugly laugh at this gloriously funny and relatable listen. 

©2020 Kristen Bailey (P)2020 Bookouture
What members say
Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    50
  • 4 Stars
    11
  • 3 Stars
    12
  • 2 Stars
    2
  • 1 Stars
    2
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    54
  • 4 Stars
    7
  • 3 Stars
    5
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    2
Story
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    41
  • 4 Stars
    15
  • 3 Stars
    9
  • 2 Stars
    2
  • 1 Stars
    3

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

A good giggle

Enjoyable and funny with a deeper story behind the title. I would definitely recommend a listen.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

Wasn’t bad

The narrator is really good at doing the different voices. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I purchased this book but found the story a bit boring if I’m honest. It didn’t grip me.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Absolutely brilliant, funny and heartwarming

Best book so far. Couldn't stop listening and didn't want it to end. Thank you.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Simply Hilarious

I've not listened to an audiobook that was this genuinely laugh out loud funny for a while. Absolutely brilliant. Unbelievably British. So so good, definitely worth the time no matter how you read/listen to books. Just cracking!

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Not bad,

The story was ok - a few chuckles along the way, but not really my cup of tea to be honest. I’m not going to slate it as I think this was just a case of me choosing the wrong book for my personal taste, it wasn’t badly written. Be careful who’s around when you listen, there are lots of detailed descriptions of peoples downstairs bits and bobs and what they do with them. It veers towards mummy porn here and there, but there was no need to deploy the smelling salts! Lucy Paterson is a fantastic narrator - I particularly love her depiction of drunk ladies, very accurate and very funny! There was however, a bit of an issue that, as a northerner, I found pretty distracting. Narrators certainly can’t be expected to know the intricacies of every single accent, but haway bonny lass - Kendal definitely isn’t a toon in Tyne and Wear pet!

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

brilliant

Absolutely loved it!! Laughed all the way . couldn't stop listening to it . Fantastic

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Funniest book i have ever read!

Absolutely what the Dr ordered! The best pick me up book during lockdown! I laughed out loud from start to finish! So well written and the Narration made it all the funnier! I am 57 and found it hilarious and so did my daughter who is 30yrs...so dont be put off by the pram on the cover! Have a Giggle x

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

#captainmintcake

This was awesome and was my go to audio book whilst driving my work van

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

Returned book

Struggled to listen to it. Narrator spoke far too fast and was difficult to follow.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Good light hearted entertainment

This book was great for some light hearted entertainment during a worrying and stressful time (Covid 19). The characters were well played and the story was funny and heartwarming

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Amazon Customer
  • Amazon Customer
  • 03-06-20

Funny and heartwarming

Just kept wanting to listen to find out what happens. Lots of out loud giggles along the way.

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Jan M
  • Jan M
  • 23-03-20

Cheeky Listen!

Kristen Bailey has definitely grabbed my attention with this book. The storyline was original and the characters interesting. I loved the reference to the Llama knickers. Lucy Peterson brought the characters to life and gave them distinguishable voices. Her attitude and accents was refreshing and so fitting!