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  • Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies

  • And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There
  • By: Tara Schuster
  • Narrated by: Tara Schuster
  • Length: 11 hrs and 42 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Categories: Biographies & Memoirs, Women
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars (51 ratings)

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Summary

Brutally honest, often hilarious, hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a former vice president at Comedy Central who was called “ahead of her time” by Jordan Peele.

“You’re going to want Tara Schuster to become your new best friend.” (Glennon Doyle, number one New York Times best-selling author of Untamed)

"Compelling, persuasive, and useful no matter where you are in your life." (Chelsea Handler, number one New York Times best-selling author of Life Will Be the Death of Me)

By the time she was in her late 20s, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. By all appearances, she had mastered being a grown-up. But beneath that veneer of success, she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression, anxiety, and shame, owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing. She realized she’d hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help. 

Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara’s path to re-parenting herself and becoming a "ninja of self-love". Through simple, daily rituals, Tara transformed her mind, body, and relationships, and shows how to: 

  • Fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude
  • Excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness
  • Identify your self-limiting beliefs, kick them to the curb, and start living a life you choose
  • Silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism
  • Carve out time each morning to start your day empowered, inspired, and ready to rule
  • Create a life you truly, totally f--king love

This is the audiobook Tara wished someone had given her, and it is the audiobook many of us desperately need: a candid, hysterical, addictive, practical guide to growing up (no matter where you are in life) and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it’s-so-cheesy way.

©2020 Tara Schuster (P)2020 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"This is the book so many of us need right now: a fierce-but-tender guide to conquering our self-doubt so that we can breathe, be kind to ourselves, and enjoy the one life we’re given. You’re going to want Tara Schuster to become your new best friend." (Glennon Doyle, number-one New York Times best-selling author of Love Warrior)

"This isn’t just a memoir; it’s too helpful for that. But it’s not a self-help guide either; it doesn’t promise to cure your ills and it won’t make you roll your eyes. It’s a bracingly honest, funny read that will make you feel you’re not alone in the world. Tara Schuster’s debut is like Wild meets You Are a Badass, and her reflections offer hope for Millennials that if your parents didn’t quite ace their roles, it’s not too late to re-parent yourself." (Adam Grant, New York Times best-selling author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B)

“In this fun, debut memoir-cum-guide to ‘reparenting’ oneself and living one’s best life, Schuster, a Comedy Central executive, candidly shares her worst experiences and what’s she learned from them. She writes of how she went from self-medicating and self-sabotaging to reclaiming her life by developing healthy rituals such as journaling, writing thank you notes, using vision boards, and cultivating gratefulness. She also divulges sage advice she’s been given from mentors and friends, including Jon Stewart and Anjelica Huston.... Schuster is jovial throughout and relies on the authority of her experience as she surveys but never overly lauds her impressive career. Filled with gems of wisdom, Schuster’s chronicle of her ups and downs is a winner.” (Publishers Weekly, starred review) 

What listeners say about Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies

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    2 out of 5 stars
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No Glennon Doyle...

Within minutes the author lost all credibility when she outed herself as a super privileged, super successful and super bright Manhattanite. Love or loathe Glennon Doyle, you have to admit that woman had a more grounded start in life. Schuster however comes across as a spoiled, rich and entitled brat from page one. Her lightbulb moment was drunk dialling her therapist. What regular ass 25 year old even has a therapist?! First world problems much?

2 people found this helpful

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Absolutely wonderful

Really glad Tara read her book. All the stories came across more real and personal. the book goes like a conversation with a good friend and some moments are hilarious! I will be listening again. Thank you Tara :)

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I can’t imagine life before this book.

Tara leads a life that I can only be in complete and utter awe of, she has changed my path and my attitude towards young adulthood. This book will hold a special place in my heart and I am so grateful that I listened when I did.

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This book has changed my life.

I wish I could meet Tara to thank her in person. To thank her from the bottom of my heart for her dear words which comforted, supported, nourished and pushed me to where I am and where I am paving the path for myself to be. For anyone needing a sign in their life, this is it.

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everyone should read this

I have enjoyed listening to this book. It gives insight into all of our thinkinking in some ways more relevant than others depending on where you are in life. We hear only what we want to hear how true is that.

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love love love this book

loved every last second. such good advice. it was like she was speaking about my life at times. really fantastic.

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Enjoyable, relatable, my new lady-bible

Tara's voice is sweet and very American, which becomes very endearingthe more you go on. Her anecdotes are helpful for context and while a lot of these self-help guidance tips have been said before, the style of this writing is what brings it to life.
I would say this book is directed at females specifically - I am not sure how much a male would get out of this book.
It was an unusually girly book for me but I found myself thoroughly engaged, enjoying and loving the book. There is so much gentle affirmative direction you can't help but enjoy. Have sent this book on to my 'lady harem'

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Tara is my new older sister

I absolutely loved it. the words I needed to hear. thank you for this. x

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funny as f**k

had to savour this slowly because didn't want to end - tender, moving, heartbreaking, yet also dope as hell and funny - also practical and inspirational! buy it!

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  • MM in Los Angeles
  • 01-03-20

Shallow romp through other authors works

I saw an advertisement for a paid and somewhat expensive book signing by Tara in a private home. I read the book's accolades and purchased it with anticipation.

Let me start by saying Tara sounds like a nice person and this isn't a review of her as an individual. But I think it's important to give my honest opinion of this book, especially as it's being monetized with paid events. So... I did not like this book.

The author says she's "just like you" and very well may be, but the air of authority and expertise in giving her readers "permission" to feel, act, do, just as she did is offputting. She assigns homework like "write this 5 times a day and I dare you not to feel better". She speaks in juvenile vernacular, using texting shortcuts, talking about "boys" (a lot!), and swearing quite a bit (swear words can be great punctuation but don't work well as general narrative) so it was hard to take her seriously.

In general, I agree with most of the things she wrote. But her book takes from other author's works, providing just a taste of what worked specifically for her and she uses that to go on in great detail about her life. It didn't provide any new information or advice and what it does provide is fairly shallow. She claims Marie Kondo is nonsense "So you think you're better than me?" but then proceeds to talk about how she finds joy in having an organized space and tells everyone to make their bed.

Nearly every chapter follows the same formula: My life was a mess, but I read/heard/was told this thing that helped me, here's exactly what I did (usually with talk about putting glitter on something), and ends with the sentence or a paragraph "what is your _____?", inviting you to draw comparisons about your own life, without providing anything insightful and glossing over any details she may have learned other than what worked for her. Also, Tara, glitter is an environmental nightmare.

There are many other better books on self care and having successfully used other self help/self care books does not make you an expert. This book comes across as an immature self-congratulatory romp through things the author has tried while giving you "permission" to do the same.

If you want solid in-depth self care writing from some great authors, I'd recommend "Better than Before" by Gretchen Rubin (she writes about what worked for her AND what works for other personality types in depth) and "Running on Empty" by Jonice Webb (excellent emotional repair self care book) or "Habits of a Happy Brain" by Loretta Breuning or "The Willpower Instinct" by Kelly McGonigal.

If this book were half the length, it could have been provided as one of the free monthly picks and it would have been good for that. Sorry T$, I did not like this book.

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  • Wednesday
  • 28-05-20

Buy Yourself the F*cking Therapy

Within the context of therapy, none of the advice given is wrong. I think my biggest issue with this book is that the fact that the author has presented a watered down version of what she learned in therapy or through other self help/mindfulness books (i.e. The Secret) and has glossed over the fact that these things are party of much larger systems and many work IN TANDEM with working with a licensed professional.

If your life is half as messed up as the author describes her own life, please, see a licensed professional. If you are in an ok place and are just looking to manifest a better life, go download The Secret.

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  • Sammi Seamus
  • 05-10-20

Maybe good for younger crowd?

I’m 50. Like most, I’m beginning a new chapter in my life and was interested in hearing about the author’s journey. She’s very funny and very smart. She also narrates wonderfully. For me, hearing about the dysfunction that was her childhood and then adult life was fine for about 15 minutes. Anything after that felt like I was her therapist. Retelling how bad it was, how sad she was, just exactly how painful life became ... it was onerous and depressing. I kept listening because I thought once she got through the dismal part of her life she would move on with positivity and joy to the journey of self love. While she did get to the journey, it was full of continuous references - maybe to provide contrast - to just how bad it was. It seemed to me that while she has transformed her life she brought her baggage with her and then unpacked it with me piece by piece. This is a book better read by a younger audience. At the ripe age of 50 I find that I spend less time concentrating on what was and more on the journey of soul in the present. Ultimately, this isn’t a book about how “we” can move forward. It’s her book of what her life was and how she moved forward. It’s very self centered. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just not what I was looking for. Eventually I scrapped the book. I simply couldn’t sit for another hour and sift through the wreckage of her life to find bits of hope and light for her. In my 20’s I may have found the experience of becoming overly intimate with childhood trauma useful. At 50, I simply wanted to go meditate and restore myself after listening.

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  • Charles
  • 25-06-20

Could not listen to her anymore

Could not listen to her tear down her mother and father any more. I feel sorry for her, truly sorry, but after 3 hours I just couldn’t take her bs any more. I hope I never meet anyone like her in real life as I would be afraid of her and what she might do when she explodes.

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  • Juliette Charter
  • 23-04-20

Well worth it

A wonderfully, complete reading experience. Will listen to it again and do the work. Thanks Tara 💖

2 people found this helpful

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  • Claudia
  • 22-01-21

No real useful takeaways

The advice found in this book isn’t all that mind blowing or new. The writing makes it evident that some chapters she was passionate about and others really lacked enthusiasm and felt lazy. The parts that intrigued me the most were regarding her relationship with her mom. That topic alone could have been a whole book. Overall, the book seems to be written more for a privileged early 20 something year old and didn’t offer anything truly insightful.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Brya Leigh
  • 29-10-20

Enjoyable

There was a lot I liked about this book and a very few number of parts that annoyed me personally a little bit (but we all have our moments).

I very much enjoyed following the author’s journey to finding her true and happy self. I appreciated the resources she shared and hearing how she processed some of her own challenges.

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  • Alexa Kaplan
  • 20-05-20

I had such high hopes

I read such great reviews about this book and was so excited! It had a strong beginning but after about an hour I found it to be extremely repetitive. I sadly wouldn’t recommend this book.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 19-04-20

Practical, personal and very f*cking funny

I loved this book! It was so real and captured what many of us feel about ourselves and being ‘stuck’ in our lives. Tara’s advice is down to earth, easy to put into practice and fun to follow. I wish I’d had this book when I was 25 but recommend it to all no matter their age. Thanks Tara - I’ve just bought my lilies and my Chanel bag awaits. F*cking fantastic!!!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Katie Leonard
  • 03-04-20

Amazing and Relatable

Loved the realness of this book. As I listened, I frequently thought, “yes, girl...same!”

What sets this book apart is the actual steps that she took (and shares) to improve her mindset, actions and overall life. I implemented several of her recommendations right as I heard them.

Highly recommended!

1 person found this helpful