Born into an unconventional Northern Vicarage family, and with a face resembling a farm vehicle, young Bollony is pitched into frequent fiascos alongside his siblings. Late Sixties and Seventies family holidays bring unexpected celebrity encounters: Michael Foot rescues baby Bollony from drowning off a Cornish beach, while Roy Orbison inspires the board game ‘Roy or Bison?’ and writes and performs a birthday ditty for the patriarch.

Camping in Scotland adds bullying ministers, eaten clothing, roof-rack riding, and loch wardens inadvertently acquiring a week’s worth of Strepsill toiletings. Other chapters feature Bollony’s brothers. Older brother Marcum—pioneering but accident-prone—accidentally throws friends' babies, trashes cinema seats in a chloroform stupor, experiments with bath electrolysis, and battles a snuff addiction.

Younger brother Joh creates home-made monocles, invents two popular canine hybrids, and parades an out-of-touch Silver Jubilee costume based on the Magnificent Frigate Bird. Their father, Reverend Cliff Strepsill, is a charismatic eccentric who creates the ultimate children’s toy (later destroyed in fizzy-drink factory dungeons), rants at lifeguards, battles Satanic artifacts, and plots against hearing-impaired campers. Meanwhile, Bollony’s mother and sister Sal endure accidental cattle purchases, seal conversations, and eccentric coffee-puffing piano tutors.

Growing into his looks, Bollony becomes a pre-teen entrepreneur, selling expired football pools and frogspawn. A passion for music leads to a tussle with 80s 'exercinspirer' Mad Lizzie over a cassette tape. He recalls inept alcoholic geography teachers, a brief stint as a ghost, North Sea go-kart mishaps, tongue disease, and a doppelganger dog named Dave. His early teens bring coming-of-age moments among ‘disco superstars', ludicrously monikered classmates, stunts off Bridlington beach, botched speed-walking, and a final hurrah for his bicycle ‘BS1’ as first romance enters the fray.