One person talks; the other listens. It's so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately, most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we actually are. Why do we so often fail to connect when speaking with family members, romantic partners, colleagues, or friends? How do emotional reactions get in the way of real communication? This thoughtful, witty, and empathic book has already helped over 100,000 people break through conflicts and transform their personal and professional relationships. Experienced therapist Michael P. Nichols, PhD, provides vivid examples, easy-to-learn techniques, and practical exercises for becoming a better listener and making yourself heard and understood, even in difficult situations.
©2009 Michael P. Nichols (P)2016 Tantor
"This is more than a good book; it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives." (Carol M. Anderson, MSW, PhD, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
It wasn't clear to me that this book would focus so much on listening to partners and family members, but although I had bought this to help with listening in work settings, I found it so useful for my personal life that I listened to it all.
"From Tuning Out to Tuning In"
Seriously, my husband talks so much I generally listen to only 1/3 of what he has to say. Unfortunately, I noticed this habit has spilled over into other areas of my life. You have to practice the art of listening, and I've been getting sloppy.
"The Lost Art of Listening" is absolutely essential for good relationships. It covers how communication breaks down, why people don't listen (we struggle to suspend our own needs, our biases filter what we hear, emotionality makes us defensive and what we expect to hear clouds what was actually said), to actually getting through to people and making those all important connections that make us feel like yes, we're human, and yes, we count. We need empathy and that only begins with letting go of our assumptions and with being open.
The book also covers how to listen in context: how to communicate with partners, family members, children (even teenagers!), and friends and colleagues.
While this is an essential book, please note that it truly could've used some editing. You'll hear a lot repeated but, as someone who tunes out two-thirds of the world around her, I guess that's kinda necessary ( >sheepish grin< ).
"You need this book"
If you're into self help books, you must get this one. I got it thinking it was going to be about kids and their phones. If I had to sum up what it was about without simply saying listening. I would say it's about human decency. Not the Hollywood kind with unattainable acts of benevolence but about the just being a better person kind. Part way into it, I thought this book can really help me with my annoying relationship with my mother, or help my already good relationship with my wife. At the end I realized this book can help ME. In all parts of life. I try to listen better to everyone because it benefits me. I highly recommend this book.
"One of the best books I've read in a long time"
Loved it all around. Wonderful insight, stories and instruction. I will definitely be reading (listening) to this over and over for years to come. I've already gifted this book to 3 others!
"Really appreciated this"
There are 4 basic means of communication:
I have had very little training on the last. This book was excellent and I'm excited to apply what I've learned.
What a great eye opener. I had a suspicion I was a poor listener, but wow did I learn a lot from this book.
"I must be a bad listerner cuz i kept tuning it out"
It needs to be shorter. Felt like it just kept going on about the same thing.
I would only keep the first 3 hours.
"Well worth the time!"
Within the knowledge of this book lies the key to many of the world's relationship struggles. The opportunity that this information brings to you and your relationships is priceless. I would suggest this book to anyone!
"best book I have read"
Yes, it is fascinating and informative without any condescending attitudes, The writer cares deeply about the subject, is clearly very knowledgable and it is narrated well. Any relationship from work to family of friends will benefit from listening to this Author and book
The conviction, knowledge and experiences of the Author
Calm, pleasant narration at the perfect pace
It is all very engaging
I had to practice listening just to listen... No joke. Great on listening and so much more!
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