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  • I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)

  • Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power
  • By: Brené Brown
  • Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
  • Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars (729 ratings)
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I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) cover art

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)

By: Brené Brown
Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
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Summary

The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. We spend too much precious time and energy managing perception and creating carefully edited versions of ourselves to show to the world. As hard as we try, we can't seem to turn off the tapes that fill our heads with messages like, Never good enough! and What will people think? 

Why? What fuels this unattainable need to look like we always have it all together? At first glance, we might think its because we admire perfection, but that's not the case. We are actually the most attracted to people we consider to be authentic and down-to-earth. We love people who are real; we're drawn to those who both embrace their imperfections and radiate self-acceptance. 

There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what, and how were supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism, and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. 

Based on seven years of ground-breaking research and hundreds of interviews, I Thought It Was Just Me shines a long-overdue light on an important truth: Our imperfections are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses; they are powerful reminders to keep our hearts and minds open to the reality that we're all in this together. 

As Dr. Brown writes, "We need our lives back. It's time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection - the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives."

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2007 Brené Brown (P)2010 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Brené Brown’s ability to explore shame and resilience with humor, vulnerability and honesty is both uplifting and liberating. If we want to change our lives, our relationships or even the world, we must start by understanding and overcoming the shame that keeps us silent. This important and hopeful book offers a bold new perspective on the power of telling our stories." (Professor Jody Williams, 1997 Nobel Peace Prize Recipient; Campaign Ambassador, International Campaign to Ban Landmines)
"Grounded in exceptional scholarship and filled with inspiring stories, this is one of those rare books that has the potential to turn lives around." (Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger)
" I Thought It Was Just Me can be a doorway to freedom and self-esteem for many, many readers. (Martha Beck, Ph.D., columnist, O, The Oprah Magazine, and author of Finding Your Own North Star)

What listeners say about I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)

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Astounding

Should be on every single person's reading list. In one week I've overcome a massive hurdle and have started moving forward. Utterly brilliant

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51 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

Missed opportunity.

Well, I have an interest in the subject and got this as one of my 2-for-1 deals.

The other reviews mention that Dr Brown only talks about women. Well yes; that IS her speciality. So if you're a guy, this is probably going to annoy you. I'm female and it was annoying me.

The book itself is horribly written. If you're expecting a "this is what shame is, this is how it's triggered, this is how we deal with it, this is how we should deal with it" then don't bother. The author jumps around all over the place; if they had an editor, they should fire them and if they didn't, they should hire one.

After struggling through the first part of the download, I actually gave up at the start of part 2. It was just about Dr Brown's experiences and how people have emailed her telling her how clever she is. Well if I want to read an advert, I will. That was self-congratulation and provided zero insight into the subject matter. If Dr Brown feels the need for validation, then go and get it somewhere else, not by padding an already padded book. I doubt there's actually more than two hours of real content in this book.

The narrator isn't terrible but she is working with terrible material. She's a bit high-pitched and has that bizarre American trait of sing-songing sentences. You'll hear it on the sample and either despise it or be able to deal with it.

Unfortunately, a lot of these "shame experiences" are women not standing up for themselves, playing the one-upmanship game and losing and being the "nothing is ever my fault; it's society" card. Which is really galling for those of us who have worked hard to be taken seriously without expecting everyone to allow us to work to a lower standard because we're female.

What could have been an empowering book giving women a way to identify what is upsetting and how to remove the power it has over you, is written to give women a pass to say "it isn't your fault"; society sucks. Sometimes it does, but complaining about how your choices slapped you in the face isn't society's fault. Yet another "nothing is my fault" set of excuses.

Seriously I want my half-credit back.

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47 people found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Not exactly as described.

I gave up halfway through this book. I found aspects of the first half interesting and it certainly focused on a topic I was interested in. However, what was not clear from the product summary was that this book (certainly to the point I read) is exclusively about shame in female subjects. While this should not be a barrier to males per se, it did make it kind of hard for me to connect past a certain point. I could relate to many of the stories and examples but ultimately felt that I was not the target of this book and just wish that was clearer in the description. I am sure I could have pushed through and finished it - it was by no means awful - but there are many more books on my list that I'd rather pick up instead.

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38 people found this helpful

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I Think it is Just Me….

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I think it might just be me, but this is not as good as the other audiobooks narrated by Brene Brown as she has her own style and delivers the stories with great humour.

Nevertheless this is a good audiobook, that discusses Brene's research on shame and in so doing helps us to have a greater understanding of shame.

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

If the book were read by the author.

What three words best describe Lauren Fortgang’s voice?

There was nothing wrong with the narration, but Brene Brown is more upbeat and really funny. The problem with the narration is that at times I could not work out if the narrator was referring to Brene or to someone in the research group.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

This is not a book that I could listen to in one sitting and some of the work takes time to reflect on.

Any additional comments?

A good audiobook filled with lots of interesting stories, but this would be better still if delivered by the author herself.

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35 people found this helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars
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for a female audience

I got an hour in until I definitely targeted towards a feminine audience. Didn't get this impression from the write up. would prefer a more balanced case study.

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35 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

life changing buy this book

This book has finally unlocked the pain I have been carrying for over 40 years. wonderful book read by a warm narrator.

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29 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Fascinating insight into universal shame

A powerful book that plunges into the depth of the shame trap. I'm a male reader and found it incredibly illuminating. Many lessons and insights, a book that will hopefully lead to me becoming a better, more compassionate parent, partner, friend and colleague. Would highly recommend it for absolutely anyone.

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22 people found this helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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This information will benefit everyone.

I've been slower to get upset or jump to conclusions when others act in a way that doesn't seem right. I've found myself to stop and analyse the situation. I feel like I'm more in charge of my actions / reactions - that feels good. I also feel more compassion for others. I'm slower to condemn. It just makes me feel good.

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17 people found this helpful

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Life changing

Wow, this changed my perspective on life so much. As a 'shame prone' person, I've found a tremendous wealth of information and support from this book.

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13 people found this helpful

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Great insight into shame and perfectionism

Great insight into shame especially as a shame to see how we are socially wired and made to feel from a young age, depending on your environment and parents. not much in the way of coping techniques but still a very relatable breakdown of shame and the importance of courage and vubrebiliity in order to truly connect and to begin to heal and form better relationships

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12 people found this helpful