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  • Avoidant

  • How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner
  • By: Jeb Kinnison
  • Narrated by: Joe Farinacci
  • Length: 5 hrs and 29 mins
  • 4.6 out of 5 stars (29 ratings)
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Avoidant cover art

Avoidant

By: Jeb Kinnison
Narrated by: Joe Farinacci
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Summary

Jeb Kinnison's previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of people to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was how to deal with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many now in troubled marriages who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who'd like help deciding if they should stick with it.

People in relationships with avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well - retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give.

The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is).

Yet there is some hope - though it may take years and require educating the avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication; if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done.

©2014 Jeb Kinnison (P)2015 Jeb Kinnison

What listeners say about Avoidant

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insightful

It was really interesting to understand the dismissive avoidant, especially when you know or suspect someone in your life to be one. It had everything needed to understand an avoidant.

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Informative

Gave me great insight and down to earth expectations for my own life. Easy to understand

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Amazing

This book is one of the few out there in the topic that explains the attachment types so intelligently and pleasantly so that even those with little knowledge on psychology can understand and enjoy it. Five hours flew so fast and some chapter I re-listen every now and then. The Greta example is so impactful and touching that it made me cry :)

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Excellent guide and insight into attachment styles

Great book about the avoidant attachment styles and their interactions with others, particularly with anxious preoccupied. Helps to understand yourself and beloved partner and improve the relationship.

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Great insight and useful advice

Regardless of your attachment style, if you are trying to understand the theory better, this book will help. It is the second in this area I have read and helped me improve my understanding and has given me confidence around future dating and more successful partner selection. It has also highlighted areas that I need to work to be a better (more secure) partner.

One or two chapters seemed less relevant (Jay Z anecdote!) but I would not hesitate to recommend to a friend. I am impressed enough that I will buy the author's other book to help me when I start dating again post-covid!

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boring

If i could not rate this book then I wouldn't
simply put it bored me to death.
I struggled to finish the book

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Very informative....

In depth look at attachment types, very useful and knowledgeable, contains studies to back up its content

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incredibly helpful

This book has been incredibly helpful, yet painful to read as it is so honest. It gives clear explanations about the avoidant partner and guidance for dealing with them. It also broadened my view about other attachments styles with focus on self improvement.

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Very helpful!

This audio book is easy to understand and listen. I've definitely learned more about myself and how to deal with my attachment style.
I'm glad I've purchased it.

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