The definitive handbook on Domination and Submission (D/s) relationships and the BDSM lifestyle. A must-read for anyone considering or curious about non-traditional relationships within a fetish culture context. Funny, insightful, educational, and inspiring. Author Michael Makai goes in-depth on Dominants, submissives, switches, primals, and their relationship dynamics. Learn about BDSM activities, bondage, toys, groups, protocols, and safety. This book even dares to go where others fear to tread: The Gorean subculture, online D/s and BDSM, first meetings, religion vs. kink, and what could go wrong. You'll love Michael Makai's irreverent and humorous treatment of this subject as he gives you the benefit of his 35+ years of experience in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles.
©2013 Michael Makai (P)2014 Michael Makai
Informative, anecdotal, unglamorous and honest. If you really want to explore the D's, BDSM lifestyle read this first and avoid making mistakes or being seduced by unrealistic and delusional romantic notions. Above all learn the key dynamics of the lifestyle before potentially having your heart and soul shattered. God work Michael, I really enjoyed this piece of work.
I cant find good enough words to describle this words. its the perfect guide for newcomers, its also test for someone who is already into the lifestyle for a time, and it dvells pretty deep, and takes on many topics. the only one thing i could say is that sins this is made of his own experince, and what he is been trough, there are many fetihses he doesnt go into BUT. thats ok this a guide into the lifestyle not a guide into fetihses. other then that, its a MUST read for anyone interrested in the topic.
"Fantastic overview, entertainingly presented."
By chapter 2, I bought this audiobook for my own Dom. Even though I'm experienced and have been active in the BDSM lifestyle, this book was a great broad-brush overview that helped me to understand the drivers for kinksters who differ from me, as well as giving some great food for thought and some great conversation topics that have helped us to grow as a D/s couple. Listening to this book is like hanging out with someone who's "been there, done that" and normalizes an alternative lifestyle in a clear, positive manner, gratifyingly without the posturing that's all too common. My Dom and I have had some truly amazing and revealing conversations as a result of this book, and I'm so very glad I've had the opportunity to listen. Oh, and great narration too. :)
"Bend over for Daddy!"
If you are new to the "lifestyle", or interested in learning more about BDSM and the different types of DS relationships, this is a great starting place. There isn't a "BDSM Bible", so you will find variations in how it is defined and relationships people form. This is based on Mike's views and experiences in the lifestyle.
Mike uses some of his personal experiences/failures/lessons learned as examples. Some of these I found amusing. I was surprised he touched on different religions and how BDSM would fit in with it, if at all. I didn't necessarily agree with it, but interesting to hear his viewpoints.
Mike also touched on potential legal implications, even though it is between consenting adults. Having the police show up at your hotel room, or standing before a judge with sex offender charges, is not a circumstance any of us want to be in ... but can happen.
Definitely worth the money and time. However, I would recommend listening to it at 1.5 speed, as the reading was a little slow for my taste.
"love this book"
very informative. I learned a lot form this book and I wish there where more books like this one
"A very infomative and helpful read"
If you are interested in BDSM this is the book for you, I loved it and highly recommend.
"very well written"
most realistic view I have encountered. I found this book eesy to understand as well as easily read. The personal stories brought to life what points were, nice touch.
"Normative, 30 years out of date"
No. Both too smug and self satisfied.
No. I almost never put a book down that I've purchased before finishing it, and after the second chapter I just couldn't listen to another transphobic, poisonous idea. I say this as a BDSM educator.
It could have been read faster and with a little less smugness. Mr. Queen misses the mark on an interpretation that would have made the book more tolerable but does capture excellently the intended over-confidence.
Great disappointment. It's not a BDSM handbook; it doesn't capture D/s; it excludes asexual BDSM which is the majority of the public scene.
As the book says "don't read this book." It was serious. Instead, read "The New Bottoming Book" as it is excellent. You can read "The New Topping Book" as well, but Bottoming was better. It's an excellent introduction. Next, look up your local BDSM educational organization. Alternatively, look up a kink/BDSM convention with courses. Westcoastbound.ca is a great example, costing only $100 for early early bird members and giving you actual practical skills including courses that focus specifically on D/s. Try making an account on fetlife.com and looking up local events. Those efforts will pay off a hundred fold what reading this book will - and they'll expose you to a healthier more holistic idea of what kinksters look like instead of this normative, prescriptivist garbage.
very informative, entertaining. a good book to have on the shelf. I will be looking for more from him.
Very informative, transparent and impersonal, a must read. perception variations are great and the explanations are awesome
Whether you're new to the lifestyle or you've been in it for a relationship or two, this book is a great learning piece. This book is also good for those who are just curious about what someone in the lifestyle thinks. It covers everything from definitions to dynamics, rules to safety guidelines, religious compatibility to personal anecdotes and lessons learned. I was actually sad when I finished this book, which took me a week because I couldn't "put it down" sometimes.
"Excellent knowledge base!"
I did not expect this book to contain as much humor as it did; it was a pleasant surprise. Filled with information and practical advise, this book has it all for both the novice and the "experienced" Ds relationship enthusiast.
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