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Shopping Survival Guide for Men: How a Man Can Survive a Shopping Experience Without Having to Gnaw His Arm Off Audiobook

Shopping Survival Guide for Men: How a Man Can Survive a Shopping Experience Without Having to Gnaw His Arm Off

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Publisher's Summary

A frank and hilarious guide to every man's mind-numbing nemesis: Shopping.

Guys, spent one too many Saturdays marooned at the mall? Rejuvenate your manhood with the Shopping Survival Guide for Men. This indispensable sanity-saver exposes the hidden history and insidious psychology of shopping. Hint: it's crazy. Plus, this book cool-headedly guides you through the treacherous, credit card-melting mazes of:

  • Shoes: "If you've ever been in the shoe section of any major department store, you now know what the gross national product of Belgium would look like if it consisted of footwear, which, for all I know about Belgium, it does."
  • Makeup: "Egyptians used cochineal bugs to make red dye for their lips, and I don't even care what 'cochineal' means because the word 'bugs' is after it."
  • Prom Dress Shopping: "Like most men, all you know about prom dresses is that they are more expensive than a good set of tires."
  • Fashion Terminology: "Puckered Bodice: A banned professional wrestling move involving a lemon, a folding chair, and a car battery."
  • Shopping History: "1687: Isaac Newton develops the law of universal gravity after his wife's shoe rack collapses on him."

Don't get dragged to the mall without it!

©2015 Dan Van Oss (P)2015 Dan Van Oss

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  • AudioBook Reviewer
    Madison, WI, United States
    04/01/16
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "funny, short and to the point"

    Shopping Survival Guide is a humor book written for men who are dating or married to the girl who loves to shop. Luckily I am not one of these guys, but I was at one point. It is full of funny tidbits on how to get through and the “history” of shopping.

    The narration was done very well by Johnny Heller. He uses his tone to conjure up the humor that is written, and allows the reader to feel like he is getting his money worth while listening to this. The book is short, but there were no issues in production quality at all.

    This is one of those books you could listen to while you and your shopaholic other half were out… shopping of course. It’s a quick 2.5-hour audiobook that doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

    Starting off the author explains his reasoning behind writing this book, and explains the way it’s going to go. It’s a pretty simple and easy to follow book. But, I’m glad that I got the audiobook, humor books always have a little more to them when they are read. Normally I’m listening to a memoir by a comedian read by the comedian, but this was similar enough that I enjoyed it.

    This book will not be for everyone, it’s funny, short and to the point. The stories and tales from within conjure up a good chuckle of days past when I was dating a girl who just loved to shop. She would spend a hobo’s money if she could (I don’t miss her at all, can you tell).

    Needless to say, Van Oss’s writing style reminds me of a Dave Berry and a little bit of Ray Romano. It was a quick painless read that helped me get through this week. Now... off to go shopping! Just kidding.

    Audiobook provided for review by the author.

    Please find this complete review and many others at my review blog

    [If this review helped, please press YES. Thanks!]

    9 of 15 people found this review helpful
  • Aaron Wagner
    Lexington, SC
    09/07/15
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Enjoyable if not perfect shopping survival guide"
    Would you try another book from Dan Van Oss and/or Johnny Heller?

    I would probably give either of them another chance


    What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)

    No surprises


    What didn’t you like about Johnny Heller’s performance?

    Johnny Heller has a great voice, but I don't think it was a good fit for this book


    If this book were a movie would you go see it?

    I don't think this book would lend itself to a movie


    Any additional comments?

    I can't say this was a laugh out loud book, but I found myself chuckling frequently and overall enjoyed the book. There were a few times when the author kept certain jokes going beyond the point of humor; however, I imagine this will improve if he continues to write.
    "This audiobook was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review courtesy of AudiobookBlast dot com."

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Kingsley
    Henely Brook, Australia
    02/07/15
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Quick. Fun. Absurd. Hillarious."

    I have to say this up front - I do not have the issue this book is made to help you with. My wife isn't a big shopper. In fact, I probably am more of a shopper than she is. So maybe I'm not the target audience for this book but it did not stop me from enjoying it.

    Van Oss starts with a quick history of shopping and the problems it has caused men, before moving onto the actual self-help part of the book. We must know where we have been, to know where we are going. Some might call it “revisionist history” but I for one believe the story in the book about Julius Caesar being stabbed in the back due to him trying to open a mall in Rome. I imagine the printed book will have references backing up the historical statements, but alas references don’t work well in a audiobook. I shall just have to take it on faith.

    Once we get to the self-help section I'm not too sure this will actually help me to survive shopping, but it is certainly a really amusing read. Dan Van Oss take stereotypes (females take forever shopping, guys love sport - especially golf. Clothes use less and less material but cost more. Material colour naming is complete bunk) and stretches them to extreme points. It's an exercise in absurdity and makes for some fun comedy. He quotes completely-realistic-and-not-made-up-on-the-spot studies and research projects to back up his teachings.

    All those clothing names and terms that don’t make sense? Van Oss explains them. You wife have 26 pairs of shoes but needs more? Van Oss explains why. All these things that males just don’t “get” he helps explain. Is it accurate? Who knows. But it sounds good. He also provides a small section for parents on helping their kids buy clothes, while sympathising and lamenting alongside those who are fathers of daughters.


    Johnny Heller reads the book really well. He has the right comic timing to carry many of the jokes from the page. He also has the right inflection: a mix of confusion, snark and sarcasm. An enjoyable work of narration.


    ----

    I was provided this audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator in exchange for an unbiased review via AudiobookBlast dot com.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  • Frode
    01/07/15
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Shop to you drop? Then i drop now!"

    I am a man. I swear! But Shopping Survival Guide for Men: How a Man Can Survive a Shopping Experience Without Having to Gnaw His Arm Off was not my type of book. first and foremost: It was not that funny! I smiled, but never ever laugh. Then a FUNNY book fails in my head. I would even say that Dan Van Oss have a funny concept here! I would love a funny book about how much i hate shopping. Because i do hate it, and i want to survive shopping!

    I almost feel a little bad for Dan Van Oss, because i love the title of the book. Shopping Survival Guide for Men: How a Man Can Survive a Shopping Experience Without Having to Gnaw His Arm Off is a fun title. So what was missing? Humor! It just was not that funny, and i find it strange with a title like that you turn it to a so bad book. I am sorry, i am honest here!

    Johnny Heller did not help Dan Van Oss. His voice is not a funny voice. He tries! OH, i hear he tries! But his "raspy" voice don't go with a book like this. He tries to be funny, and when people tryes to be funny, and fall flat: Well, then they fall flat! I would love to hear him read something more serious, because he just don't fit this book!

    "I was provided this audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator in exchange for an unbiased review via AudiobookBlast dot com"

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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