Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
"Worth every penny"
Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
"malkovich is fantastic"
Go the F--k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach's profane, affectionate, and radically honest verses perfectly capture the familiar - and unspoken - tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night.
"The Ideal Parenting Tool"
Now in audio for the first time, Without Feathers is narrated by Woody Allen himself. Here they are: 16 of the funniest tales and ruminations ever recorded, by one of the great comic minds of our time. From "The Whore of Mensa", to "Fabulous Tales & Mythical Beasts", to "No Kaddish for Weinstein", old and new Allen fans will laugh themselves silly over these sparkling gems.
What's a little arson between friends? Undercover CIA agent Fortune Redding spent her first three weeks in Sinful, Louisiana, dodging insults, makeup advice, guard dogs, bullets, and Deputy Carter Trahan, both professionally and personally. But just when she thinks things are going to settle down in the small bayou town, someone sets her friend Ally's house on fire. Carter, who'd just started pursuing Fortune on a personal basis, goes back into cop mode and admonishes her to stay out of his investigation.
Now, available in audio for the first time, Side Effects is narrated by Woody Allen himself. A humor classic by one of the world's funniest writers, Side Effects is a treat for Allen fans and those just discovering how gifted he is. In classics including "Remembering Needleman", "The Kugelmass Episode", "Confessions of a Burglar", and others, Allen discusses such subjects as the nature of relativity, the UFO menace, and the predicament of modern man.
"Typical Woody - laugh out loud"
Where the art of improvisation meets the art of literature. Based on the improv game First Line, Last Line, Colin Mochrie of Whose Line Is It Anyway? fame, puts a unique spin on works of classic literature. Taking the first line and last line from classic books and poems, Colin recasts these familiar stories in his own trademark offbeat style.
For the first time ever, hear Woody Allen's Mere Anarchy in the author's own distinctive and hilarious voice. Here, in his first short-story collection since his three classics Getting Even, Without Feathers, and Side Effects, Allen has managed to write a book that answers the most profound questions of human existence.
"It's Woody Allen!"
Claire is a 20-something, single mom who grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he's asleep) toddler a better life. When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time. With Carter's undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire's panic that her stretch marks and slim-to-none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
BBC TV and Radio's Bob Servant, self-styled 'hero of Dundee', addresses life's problems for you and offers practical solutions you won't find anywhere else.
Reginald Iolanthe Perrin, the creation of comedy genius David Nobbs, is surely one of the best-loved comedy heroes of our time - in both literature and television. So it is with great pride that Audible presents Reggie's escapades in digital audio for the very first time: we invite you to join him, and the memorable supporting characters who help him along the way, on one man's quest to avoid an everyday existence.
"An opportunity spurned"
In a room above a bizarre German museum lives the Old Man. Caretaker of the museum by day, by night he enjoys the sound of silence, broken by the occasional crunch of a spider between his blackened teeth. Little Hands Clapping brings together the Old Man with the respectable Doctor Ernst Frohlicher, his greedy dog Hans, and a cast of grotesque and hilarious townsfolk, all of whose lives are thrown together as the town uncovers a crime so outrageous that it will shock the world.
"Curious, dark, creepy and delightful."
Born during the Cuban revolution in 1959, Yocandra learns that for a woman to survive in the world of communist machismo, she must use all her assets - her body, her wits, and most importantly, her ability to transform disillusionment into wonder.
The Horse in My Garage and Other Stories is a hilarious addition to Patrick F. McManus's existing work in humor. The author weighs in on his childhood, everyday life, and outdoor tales with his typical exaggerated commentary that will elicit a belly laugh from all types of listeners. Read about the antics of Patrick's friends Rancid Crabtree and Retch Sweeney in such stories as "Shaping Up for the Hunt" and "Bear Hunters", and much more!
"dry American humour"
Crazy Rich Asians is the outrageously funny debut novel about three super-rich, pedigreed Chinese families and the gossip, backbiting, and scheming that occurs when the heir to one of the most massive fortunes in Asia brings home his ABC (American-born Chinese) girlfriend to the wedding of the season. When Rachel Chu agrees to spend the summer in Singapore with her boyfriend, Nicholas Young, she envisions a humble family home, long drives to explore the island, and quality time with the man she might one day marry.
Woody Allen's early comic fiction was heavily influenced by the zany, pun-ridden humor of S.J. Perelman. And now, for the first time, Woody Allen narrates one of his early collections of short stories, Getting Even. Listen to Woody Allen revenge himself on such significant subjects as death, obesity, organized crime, the invention of the sandwich, and much more.
On a cold morning in Grimsby, Albert Hardcastle wakes up to the first day of his retirement. His days of working in a shop are behind him, and he and his wife, Alice, decide to celebrate by taking the luxury cruise of which they always dreamed. Meanwhile, on the Essex coast, Rear Admiral Sir Benbow Harrington, a retired Royal Navy officer, is trying to assemble a fleet of passenger ships. His newest vessel, the Golden Handshake, is ready for its maiden voyage.
Kevin Kwan, best-selling author of Crazy Rich Asians, is back with a wickedly funny new novel of social climbing, secret e-mails, art-world scandal, lovesick billionaires and the outrageous story of what happens when Rachel Chu, engaged to marry Asia's most eligible bachelor, discovers her birth father. On the eve of her wedding to Nicholas Young, heir to one of the greatest fortunes in Asia, Rachel should be over the moon.
"Story as good as the first - Audio edited poorly."
EXCLUSIVELY AVAILABLE IN AUDIONo one else has Dan Wells' hilarious new novella - it's not available in print, in ebook, by mobile phone text or Victorian phonograph. Audible is bringing it to you exclusively, for a limited time.The basic premise is this: it's 1817, and a man named Frederick Whithers is wallowing in jail for a crime he didn't commit, desperate to get out so he can go and commit it for real.
"A night of utter Joy"
Meet Rabo Karabekian, a moderately successful surrealist painter who we meet late in life and see struggling (like all of Vonnegut's key characters) with the dregs of unresolved pain and the consequences of brutality. Loosely based on the legend of Bluebeard (best realized in Bela Bartok's one-act opera), the novel follows Karabekian through the last events in his life that is heavy with women, painting, artistic ambition, artistic fraudulence, and as of yet unknown consequence.
After several months of cruising Mexico's hauntingly beautiful Sea of Cortez, Hetta's in Puerto Escondido, a place once described by author John Steinbeck as "a magic harbor". Anchored out, swaying on the hook at the whim of breeze and tide, surrounded by magnificent views and turquoise water can be magical. Stuck at anchor alone? Not so much. So when her best friend, Jan, gets them an invite to a party at a nearby luxury resort hosted by a Japanese businessman - all expenses paid - Hetta figures, why not?
This story sells itself by inference as it goes along and relies for its context upon the clues scattered within its generalities and has as its bearing the vagaries of the human condition in confluence with life as it flows and so should not be mistaken for anything else but what you feel after listening to it.
Here is a book that celebrates the joys, the aches, the lapses, the frustrations, and the creaks of the retirement years. With 50 funny, nostalgic, and poignant rhymes about childhood memories, hair loss, modern technology, manners, packaging, cats, grandchildren, and more, it's the perfect listen for those of 50-plus who like a chuckle.
Five year-old Bonanza's mother tells her to "keep digging" as she buries her dolls and ultimately herself. The dead poet Robert Lowell reappears as a high school student. Meanwhile, at a butterfly farm, the protagonist dishes up some unconventional environmental justice. Even the ones who kill with oil spills have a voice in this bizarre primer of the exquisite, the mundane, and the insane.
In a near future of zero tolerance, Big Brother is not entirely born of the government. He is also your local news, your social media friends and followers, your neighbors. Everything you say and do is monitored - and judged. Almost overnight, the fabric of society has dissolved into a culture of carrions: a murder of crows.
Alicia Deats is a new teacher chaperoning her very first high school trip to Washington DC, and nothing could be more terrifying than a class full of horny, backstabbing, boundary-pushing teenagers under her watch. To make matters worse, she embarrassed herself with her cochaperone Bryan Kenner with one too many margaritas and an ill-placed vomiting incident at last year's teacher mixer and is hoping this trip can be a fresh start for them.
Apocalypse All the Time is post-post-apocalypticism. The apocalypse happens on a weekly (if not daily) basis and Marshall is sick of it. Life is constantly in peril, constantly disrupted, but nothing significant every really happens as a result. It's always handled. Marshall wants out; he wants it all to end. In short, the book explores what about the end times holds such fascination for humanity and what impact such a fascination has on the way we live our lives.
This is the story about a fictitious donut factory where all they do is make donuts. The production manager, a curious fellow with an even curious-er name - Mr. Sales Manager, is in charge of collecting the donuts and taking them to his regional manager, who then passes them on to the factory owner. One day Sales Manager's boss came to him with a direct order - "Sales...you have to make more donuts!" In fact they wanted Sales to make twice as many donuts, without adding staff or any other support. (Sound familiar?)
Prejudice takes place in a plethora of forms. It sprouts a rare growth when a clerk called Coinman can't stop jingling the coins in his pocket. It's a seemingly harmless addiction, but it's one that comes to rule his life and begins to invite the wrath of virtually everyone around him. His work environment becomes increasingly hostile, while his life at home begins to suffer as a result of his wife's obsession with acting. When an attempt to remedy the situation goes horribly wrong, it spurs those involved onto unexpected paths.
My work as a computer geek has me traveling around the world, solving mysteries and fighting bad guys. Sometimes with my friends, but always with trouble by my side. So you'd think I would've expected to be plagued by danger when I headed to Egypt with my best friend, Elvis Zimmerman, and boyfriend, Slash, to help track down Elvis's missing and estranged father. Nope. Genius runs in the family, and we quickly discovered Elvis's father is hot on the trail of an ancient and elusive artifact, one that people are willing to kill to find.
Imogen is supposed to be on the most romantic weekend of her life and instead she's quickly realised that her current boyfriend definitely isn't 'The One' and is actually One Big Mistake. Frankie is fed up. Fed up of her good-for-nothing husband and her four unappreciative children. Well, they hardly notice her anyway, so maybe it's time to shake it up a little.... Grace thought she had the perfect life. Gorgeous little boy and perfect, hardworking husband. Or rather, she did, until she realised her husband was shagging his 'work'.
Three homeless men are squatting in a stranger's house for the week, only to find not everything is as it seems.
Tammy Everett's suspicious, overly-protective father, Harry, does everything he can to crush her relationship with the hard-living Todd Cartwright. Todd is not about to give up the greatest thing that's ever happened to him and goes to war with Harry. But a few days before the wedding, tragedy rocks both Todd and Harry's world, sending them crashing into a depth of heartache and anger that neither man knows how to handle.
Lady Justice has unwittingly entered a religious war. Who better to fight for her than Walt Williams? Walt and his sweetie, Maggie, have just returned from a honeymoon that was packed with love, fun, mystery, and danger. Now it's time for them to adjust to living under the same roof - quite the challenge for a couple in their sixties, both of whom have never been married before! But nothing could be better than having Maggie by his side when a great threat arises and Walt is, as usual, smack dab in the middle.
"""Ready to go treasure hunting?""
It has been 105 years since writer Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain, took his final breath. But, nearly identical in appearance, personality, and authentic dress, you would think he was sitting in Tom's living room today - a traveler brought here through some freak accident involving time and space.
Graduating university is an emotional time for everyone. But when a group of ex-students decide to spend one last night together at a zombie experience facility to create lasting memories, none of them anticipate just how memorable it will turn out to be. It quickly becomes apparent that the undead actors are very good at what they do. Too good. Armed with only an arsenal of Nerf guns, the group quickly figure out that they'll need more than foam bullets and sandwiches to get them through the night.
ABAM.info presents two short comedic tales, suitable for children old and young. Includes the stories Leprecolony and Space: The Final Papier.
Bubba and Uncle Father Joe head to the happiest place in the world to find out what's messing up Joe's ex-girlfriend's career making a museum exhibition of monster and demon summoning apparatus. Yeah - haunted magical objects from all over the world, all stuck in the same place. What could go wrong? Turns out the answer is plenty, and Bubba is going to need all the help he can get to survive this one.
This is a darkly humorous debut series from Edward C. Harwell. With razor-sharp precision and startling emotional insight, Who Is the Sun King? is a portrait of urban psychosis, garnished with details of a suicide, that quickly develops into Sol Liddens' struggle to find a way out of London's West End, which leads to a term in Clifton House Rehabilitation Centre.
8.45 P.M. Realise there have been so many times in my life when have fantasised about going to a scan with Mark or Daniel: just not both at the same time. Before motherhood before marriage Bridget with biological clock ticking very, very loudly finds herself unexpectedly pregnant at the eleventh hour: a joyful pregnancy which is dominated however by a crucial but terribly awkward question - who is the father?
"Has Bridget gone as far as she can go?"
If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? Which is exactly what the crew of the Heart of Gold plan to do. There's just the small matter of escaping the Vogons, avoiding being taken to the most totally evil world in the Galaxy and teaching a space ship how to make a proper cup of tea. And did anyone actually make a reservation?
"Not as good as HHGTTG"
Meet Zoe and Greg Milton, a married couple who have let themselves go a bit. Zoe was a stunner in her college days, but the intervening decades have added five stone, and removed most of her self-esteem. Greg's rugby-playing days are well and truly behind him, thanks to countless pints of beer and chicken curry. When Elise, a radio DJ and Zoe's best friend, tells them about a new competition, it seems like the perfect opportunity to turn their lives around.
Daft Wee Stories is Limmy's first book. It is a collection of stories. There are short stories. There are longer stories. There are stupid stories. There are thoughtful stories. There are upside-down stories. There are normal-way-up stories. There are weird stories. There are less weird stories. There are really weird stories. There is nothing else like it. Have a listen.
"Vast collection of funny stories"
In consequence of a number of stunning catastrophes, Arthur Dent is surprised to find himself living in a hideously miserable cave on prehistoric Earth. However, just as he thinks that things cannot get possibly worse, they suddenly do. He discovers that the Galaxy is not only mind-boggingly big and bewildering but also that most of the things that happen in it are staggeringly unfair.
Sitting quietly in his room in an old people's home, Allan Karlsson is waiting for a party he doesn't want to begin: his one-hundredth birthday party. Escaping through his bedroom window, into the flowerbed, Allan makes his getaway. And so begins his picaresque and unlikely journey involving criminals, several deaths, a suitcase full of cash, and incompetent but very human police.
Abi's left inconsolable when Joseph dumps her, saying they are incompatible. When Joseph returns a box of her possessions, she finds a bucket list of 10 things. What better way to win him back than by completing the list? But Abi's terrified of heights - not ideal when the list includes abseiling down a building. Completing the list is going to need all Abi's courage, but as she heals her broken heart one task at a time, the newly confident Abi might just have a surprise in store....
"hard to put down"
Better Than Life finds the crew trapped in a mind-boggling computer game that is threatening their lives and safety of the ship. One by one, they enter the game to rescue each other - and one by one, they become trapped! Holly will have to use his mega brain to solve this one.
"Excellent Sci-Fi, but..."
There is a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. It's not an easy thing to do and Arthur Dent thinks he's the only human who's been able to master this nifty little trick - until he meets Fenchurch, the girl of his dreams. Fenchurch knows how the world could be made a good and happy place. Unfortunately she's forgotten. Convinced that the secret lies within God's Final Message to His Creation they go in search of it. And in a dramatic break with tradition - actually find it....
When siblings Dan and Hayley Daley inherit their late grandmother's derelict Victorian farmhouse, it seems like a dream come true. All they have to do is fix the place up and sell it for a tidy profit! Except - as anyone who has renovated an old house knows - things are never that easy. The walls are rapidly crumbling around them, the architect is a certified lunatic, the budget is spiraling...and then there's the disturbingly intelligent cow to worry about.
Is it a break? Or is it a blip? Liv and Adam are in love. Liv and Adam are supposed to be getting engaged. Until Adam accidently suggests they take a break. And Liv starts thinking.... Friends, family and bystanders all have opinions, and one complication leads to another as Adam and Liv try to muddle through in this hilarious, heartwarming comedy. Are they split up - or are they on a break? What exactly are they allowed to get away with? And, most importantly, what do Liv and Adam really want?
One day, sitting in traffic, Stella Sweeney attempts a good deed. The resulting car crash changes her life. But in this event is born the seed of something which will take Stella thousands of miles from her old life, turning an ordinary woman into a superstar, wrenching her whole family apart. For the first time real, honest-to-goodness happiness is just within her reach. But is Stella Sweeney, Dublin housewife, ready to grasp it?
"Not One Of Her Best"
Flora is forced to move back to the tiny island of Mure from the bright lights of London. It's tough: even the beautiful landscapes and bright blue sea can't lift her spirits - she's too busy looking after her dad and her feckless brothers. Then she chances upon her mum's collection of recipes and begins to cook her way through it. As she reconnects with her family and the place she was born, might she also find herself?
What happens when the haggling is done and the shops are closed? When the quest has been given, the steeds saddled, and the adventurers are off to their next encounter? They keep the world running, the food cooked, and the horses shoed, yet what adventurer has ever spared a thought or concern for the Non-Player Characters? In the town of Maplebark, four such NPCs settle in for a night of actively ignoring the adventurers drinking in the tavern when things go quickly and fatally awry.
When Bingo Little falls in love with a tea-and-bun-shop waitress at a Camberell subscription dance and Bertie falls into the mulligatawny, there's work for a wet-nurse. Who better than Jeeves? With his usual savoir-faire and panache Jeeves unties the tangles and irons out the creases in his unflappable and inimitable way. "I always say, and I always shall say," proclaims Bingo Little, "that you've only got to stand on Jeeves and fate can't touch you."
"Pure escapist joy"
Meet Adrian Mole, a hapless teenager providing an unabashed, pimples-and-all glimpse into adolescent life. Writing candidly about his parents' marital troubles, the dog, and his life as a tortured poet and 'misunderstood intellectual', Adrian's painfully honest diary is still hilarious and compelling reading thirty years after it first appeared.
"thanks so very sorry but we have not been able use"
Sinclair Rutherford is a young Seattle cop with a taste for the finer things. Doing menial tasks and getting hassled by superiors he doesn't respect are definitely not "finer things". Good police work and bad luck lead him to crack a case that changes quickly from a career-making break into a high-profile humiliation when footage of his pursuit of the suspect - wildly inappropriate murder weapon in hand - becomes an Internet sensation.
"An entertaining, humorous police procedural"
Fleeing from a vengeful king has sent the former NPCs across Solium's borders, into the kingdom of Alcatham. As wanted fugitives, they head to the small farming village of Briarwillow, hoping to blend in, lay low, and avoid trouble at all costs. Unfortunately, Briarwillow has problems all its own, and its troubles quickly become theirs. If they hope to survive long enough to escape, they'll have to tackle an all-but-forgotten mystery buried at the town's border as well as seek the wisdom of a mysterious group of mages.
"Another good book in this series"
Berlin, Summer 2011. Adolf Hitler wakes up on a patch of open ground, alive and well. Things have changed - no Eva Braun, no Nazi party, no war. Hitler barely recognises his beloved Fatherland, filled with immigrants and run by a woman. People certainly recognise him, albeit as a flawless impersonator who refuses to break character. The unthinkable, the inevitable happens, and the ranting Hitler goes viral, becomes a YouTube star, gets his own T.V. show, and people begin to listen.
"Hilter Springer Show"